What Rhymes With Orange?

Dear Oma and Tante,

Guess what?!

Mama’s hair is orange!

OK, not totally orange. But those red highlights on the box didn’t all make it all the way on to her head. Like they didn’t get far enough over on the rainbow.

Daddy says that was a waste of $5.95.

I guess it’s OK, though, because Mama’s hair-dryer broke, so she wasn’t looking all that good anyway.

Mama also has a rash on her ankles. It’s much worse than the rashes I get on my bum. She called the dermatologist this morning to report the rash and Sabrina shouted in the background, “AND IT’S REALLY ITCHY TOO!”

Mama said, “Thanks for that.”

I took Mama to the dermatologist for her ankles. While we were there the nice lady doctor gave Mama a shot in that big red bump in her chin and then slapped a band-aid on it.

Did I forget to mention the big red bump? You know the one, Oma. It’s the one you’ve been photo-shopping out of all the pictures of Mama’s face for a few months now.

The band-aid matched Mama’s hair pretty good!

I cried a little when Mama got her shot and her band-aid, and then spent the rest of the morning sending Thomas the Tank Engine to the doctor for shots and band-aids.

Mama has some new stuff to put on her ankles. She calls them steroids. Katie-dog likes to lick the stuff off of Mama’s legs. Mama says she hopes Katie doesn’t get roid-rage.

I’ve heard Katie in the backyard. I think she’s had roid-rage for quite some time.

Time for me to go and have a snack. I think I feel like citrus today . . .

Love,
Linnie Lou

With Just the Bare Necessities of Life

Dear Oma and Tante,

Guess what? I’m an elephant! I’m Colonel Hathi from The Jungle Book!

I like to walk around on all fours and listen to Colonel Hathi’s March. I’ve memorized the words. I like the part that goes:

Oh, we march from here to there
And it doesn't matter where . . .

It’s a lot like running errands with Mama.

I ask Mama to play Colonel Hathi’s March over and over and over again. I like to say, “HALT!” That means, “Turn Around!”

Sometimes Daddy smacks Mama’s bottom like Colonel Hathi does and says, “Pull it in Winifred.” He usually gets snacked back.

Sometimes Daddy pretends to squeeze a banana into my mouth. But I just tell him, “I’m not Mowgli! I’m Colonel Hathi!”

Sabrina’s favorite parts are two. She likes King Louis. She likes to shake her bottom like she’s a monkey in the jungle.

Mama put a stop to that one.

Sabrina and I like to scat like Baloo and King Louis. We like the part where Baloo says, “Get Mad, Baby!” We sing a little more nonsense and then we shout, “Take me home, Daddy!”

Last time we did our scat song I thought about it for a while, and then pointed out to Mama that we are home.

Sabrina also likes when Kaa the snake sings Trussst in Me. Mama laughs when Kaa wraps himself around Mowgli and says, “Hold still please.”

At bedtime last night Mama told Sabrina to give her the biggest big hug she has in her body. Sabrina tackled Mama with her arms around Mama’s neck and knocked her backwards. Sabrina was on top of Mama when Sabrina said, “Hold still please.”

I could hear Mama laughing from down the hall.

Love,
Colonel Hathi