Hold The Mayo

Dear Oma and Tante,

Today we learned about babies!

First, at quiet time, Sabrina was looking at Mama’s Smithsonian magazine. There was a famous picture of a baby just coming out of his Mama. You couldn’t see the Mama, just the doctor and the baby.

That baby had an UM-BLIL-CAL cord attached. Mama says that Mama’s give their babies all the things they need through that cord because you can’t very well order up a sandwich and a glass of milk when you’re in your Mama’s tummy can you? Sabrina asked why not?

That little baby in the picture had his eyes skwinched closed and the doctor was holding him upside down by the leg and his little red private parts were hanging out for the whole world to see and he was kind of wet. He looked like he needed a blankie and a cuddle. Sabrina asked lots of questions. Finally Mama closed the magazine and her eyes.

Then after dinner we went on our walk. We saw one mama duck! She had THREE babies. Her babies were swimming around and then they would hop up on a log and shake shake shake their little bottoms! Then Mama would sing the “Shake Your Tail Feather” song. It was funny. Then we saw a mama goose! She had about a DOZEN little babies all following her around in the water. Mama says that must be a Mormon goose. I think that makes the mama duck an Episcopalian!

Then we saw Sabrina’s favorite chick-chick-CHICKENS! Sabrina asked why can’t chickens fly and Mama said because their bodies are too heavy for their wings. Sabrina asked why and Mama said that’s just the way God made them. Sabrina said maybe God would make some more and give them bigger wings but Mama said God made them a long time ago and was unlikely to remake them now.

Then we saw some horses in a pasture. There was a little horse. Mama said it wasn’t a baby but wasn’t a grown up. Sabrina said it was kind of like a big kid horse. Mama said yes except a kid is a baby goat. Sabrina asked if the HORSE was in the PASTOR and Mama laughed and said she hoped not. Sabrina said Mama what’s a PASTOR and Mama said a reverend like Reverend Daniel. She said a PASTURE is where the horses graze. There sure is a lot to learn.

Then we saw a snail trying to cross the river path. Mama stopped the stroller so we could see the little snail with his house on his back g-o— v-e-r-y—s-l-o-w-l-y where he was going. Sabrina asked where his babies were and Mama said she didn’t know. Sabrina said maybe home in bed. Mama said good point; it is getting late.

Then we left the snail with his house on his back but on the way back that little snail was where we left him but he was in a pile and his house on his back was cracked up into pieces. Mama didn’t show Sabrina but I could tell it made Mama sad.

Sabrina wanted to walk home through the neighborhood and we talked about flowers and trees. Mama said Sabrina, those trees are aspens. They grow fast but they don’t live long. That made Sabrina ask about all the other trees but Mama didn’t know all their names. She said Oma and Grammy were better at knowing the names of trees.

Sabrina asked do Oma and Grammy know everything? Mama said maybe not everything, but don’t tell Oma that. But Mama says Oma’s been alive a LOT longer so that’s why she knows more about some things.

Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo

GAK!

Dear Tante and Oma,

Today I threw up for the first time! Every baby can spit up, but not every baby can throw up. That’s a completely different kind of UP.

At dinner Mama fed me some things. Plain potatoes mashed with a little cow’s milk. That was new. Puréed peas. That was old. A taste of goat cheese. That was yucky. I made my blech face and left my mouth open until it fell out. That goat should be ashamed of himself.

I have my very own purple cup now, and I drank myself lots of water from my very own purple cup.

We were all eating and before you know it I made some cat sounds and some things came up. Just like BOO! Then I made some more cat sounds and more and more things came up. Just like BOO! Mr. Boo and I can make the same GAK sounds. I knew that little cat was my friend. He just doesn’t know it yet. Mama says that’s because he tries to share my pack-and-play and I YANK his fur. But I’m just trying to say HI!

After I made cat sounds Mama made me get all naked and cleaned me off with a warm wet washcloth and then made me sit there while everybody else ate dinner. I watched and gummed some things on my highchair and I made chewing faces. Finally she let me eat some rice cereal with formula milk. Since I didn’t make anymore GAK sounds she let me go on our walk, but then after our walk she made me take a bath.

I love to take baths with big sister Sabrina. She puts water on my head until Mama makes her stop. Then she splashes me until Mama makes her stop. Then she tries to slide down the side of the tub until Mama makes her stop.

When she’s done STOPPING we both go BANG BANG BANG with our hands in the water and KICK KICK KICK with our feet in the water. I chew on a pink rubber ducky. The ducky has a mouth but he doesn’t chew back.

After a while Mama washes me and makes me get out of the bath. I scream. She picks me up. I scream. She washes my bottom and puts me back in the bath. I stop screaming. She gets me out again. I scream. But Mama says she doesn’t negotiate with terrorists and wraps me in a towel like a BURRITO and moisturizes me like a TRUSSED CHICKEN and then puts me in jamas and takes me away. Then I give up and stop crying and just suck my pacie while Mama gets me a bottle.

After I drink my bottle Mama says I have to go to sleep but I say NO NO NO GA GA GA DA DA DA CAW CAW CAW. I grab her glasses. Mama takes them off. I grab the remote. Mama takes it away. I push Mama’s face over so I can fiddle with her earrings. She takes her face away. Sometimes she tricks me and isn’t wearing earrings. Then I trick her back and I GRAB her hair and I YANK! She says NO NO NO and I say that I agree, NO NO NO but she means a different NO.

While Mama and I say NO NO NO to each other, Big Sisser Sabrina gets in her jammies and brushes her teeth. I have a toothbrush now with my very own toothpaste for my TWO teeth. Mama bought me THOMAS toothpaste, but now big sisser Sabrina has started using all my Thomas toothpaste day and night. All day long she says she wants to brush her teeth but really she wants Thomas and not her big girl SPARKLE toothpaste.

Today she went to find Mama so she could brush her teeth AGAIN and said to Mama, “Again With the Teeth Brushing!” Mama laughed and asked who taught her to say that. Daddy says Mama doesn’t have to look far to see who talks like that.

Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo

P.S. Terrorist Sabrina is in big trouble. Mama has been reading.

Today Sabrina wanted her quiet time juice in a THOMAS cup. Mama said Sabrina you have juice in your yellow cup and water in your Thomas cup and they both right there next to you. Sabrina said put the juice in the Thomas cup. Mama said no, she was on her way downstairs with laundry and Sabrina should rest.

Well, that Sabrina was mighty unhappy. Sabrina whined. Mama said she wouldn’t listen to whining. Sabrina cried. Mama WALKED OUT and didn’t say anything else.

Even I know that a quiet Mama can be a dangerous Mama.

Sabrina cried and whined and cried and carried on and fussed and cried and threw her cup on the floor and cried some more. But Mama ignored her and didn’t talk to her and didn’t ask her what was wrong and didn’t fix the juice and didn’t go back upstairs.

In the end big sister Sabrina cried herself to sleep and slept for two hours. She woke up PERKY and Mama said juice was a silly thing to cry so much about. Silly Sabrina agreed.

If Sabrina isn’t careful she’ll ruin the crying and whining before I even get a chance to try it.

P.P.S. Sabrina scolded Mama this morning for putting an empty cup on the wood table without something underneath. Oma, are you proud?