Dear Tante and Oma,
Have you met my jowls? They are very pleased to meet you!
I didn’t used to have jowls. When I was a teeny baby I had cheeks. Then Mama and Daddy fed me formula milk, and my jowls began to grow. Now Mama and Daddy fed me all kinds of milk and cereal and pears and blueberries and carrots and peas and other good things, and my jowls just grow and grow and grow. There’s not much I can do about it. Mama says they may begin to affect my center of gravity.
When I cry at night and don’t want to sleep, Daddy snuggles me. He whispers, it’s OK Linnie. You can sleep. You’ll still have jowls when you wake up.
When my cousin Abby was a little baby, she had big jowls too. Daddy used to call her Boss Hogg. Mama says that Tante should be happy that Mama made her watch The Dukes of Hazard growing up so that now Tante can understand funny cultural references like this one. Lucky for Abby, she grew into her jowls. Maybe I will too.
Daddy calls me Linnie-Jowls from Jowltown. He says I am the mayor of Jowltown. Sometimes he shortens my name to Linnie-Jowls! He tells Sabrina that he and Mama bought me in Jowltown. This doesn’t make much sense—they wouldn’t sell the mayor, would they?
Sabrina says no no, Mama grew me in her tummy. This doesn’t make sense either. How could I ever fit in Mama’s tummy?
I think Daddy and Sabrina are both very silly geese. I tried asking Mama where I came from, but she’s not talking. Can you tell me?
Well, I need to go and drink some milk. My jowls are down a quart!
Love,
Linnie-Jowls from Jowltown
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
DCFS?
Dear Tante and Oma,
Abuse! Abuse! AAABBBBUUUUSSSEE!
Alert the embassy! Call for my ambassador! There has been an abuse trés horrible!
I don’t like to speak of it, but maybe you can help?
Mama has a box of little white flags. It’s a very pretty box, with flowers on it, but don’t be fooled. There are instruments of torture inside.
She pulls one little white flag out of the box. Then the horror begins: she rubs the little white flag all over my face and under my nose. I wiggle this way and that way; I turn my head this way and that way, but Mama will not be deterred. I cry and cry and cry but Mama’s heart is stone.
I thought little white flags meant truce or surrender or UNCLE so I grabbed the little white flag and waved it back at Mama. Apparently to Mama, little white flags mean ATTACK!
I’ve been watching carefully, and Mama uses these things on her nose too. Her nose is red and ouchy just like mine, but she seems impervious to the ouchy. She doesn’t wiggle or waggle or cry when she wipes her own nose with the little flag. How can this be?
I anxiously await your reply.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
Abuse! Abuse! AAABBBBUUUUSSSEE!
Alert the embassy! Call for my ambassador! There has been an abuse trés horrible!
I don’t like to speak of it, but maybe you can help?
Mama has a box of little white flags. It’s a very pretty box, with flowers on it, but don’t be fooled. There are instruments of torture inside.
She pulls one little white flag out of the box. Then the horror begins: she rubs the little white flag all over my face and under my nose. I wiggle this way and that way; I turn my head this way and that way, but Mama will not be deterred. I cry and cry and cry but Mama’s heart is stone.
I thought little white flags meant truce or surrender or UNCLE so I grabbed the little white flag and waved it back at Mama. Apparently to Mama, little white flags mean ATTACK!
I’ve been watching carefully, and Mama uses these things on her nose too. Her nose is red and ouchy just like mine, but she seems impervious to the ouchy. She doesn’t wiggle or waggle or cry when she wipes her own nose with the little flag. How can this be?
I anxiously await your reply.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Surrender? Never!
Dear Tante and Oma,
I can spit! I like to blow spit bubbles. I put my lips together and blow. PPPPPpbbbbbbbb! I like to blow spit bubbles. To bbbllloowww spppiiitttt bubbbbbllleees. To blow blow blow blow blow spit spit spit spit spit bubbles bubbles bubbles! Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bubbles!
PPPppppppppppppppbbbbbbbbbbbbbpbpbpbpbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!!!!
Oops! Now my chin is chapped.
The weather has been so nice here that Mama put up the laundry line and hung the wet clothes and sheets and towels outside in the sun to dry.
Sabrina saw that and ran up and down the line and in and out of the sheets and towels. She said they looked like white flags hanging there. I agree. Maybe the white flags mean that we are surrendering to the neighbors? Mama says no, that they may be Mexican nationals, but the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in still stands.
Today we are taking the car to Honda for a check-up. Big sister Sabrina wanted to know if she would have to get a shot at the check-up. Mama said no, we would just play in the waiting room while we wait for the car. Big sister Sabrina is hoping they have a trampoline to play on. Mama said that would be really nice, but she didn’t think so.
At lunch today big sister Sabrina asked when we were going to hell. Mama about had a heart attack and thought for a minute that the Mormons had gotten to Sabrina. Then she remembered the Mormons aren’t big on hell—that’s the Baptists. Since there aren’t many Baptists in Provo, Mama asked, “what does that mean?” And big sister Sabrina said, “riding bikes!”
Mama says that sometimes Sabrina doesn’t know that her made up words are real words. Like when Mama says, what would you like for breakfast, Sabrina? And Sabrina says, DOE-DOE! Doe-doe could be a really bad word in some other language, and Sabrina would never know it. One time Sabrina said she would like CA-CA! for breakfast. Mama set her straight on that one.
It’s time for me to take my nap. I fell asleep in my bouncer while Mama was typing this letter for me. She turned around and found me slumped on my octopus.
She tried to lift me up real gently, but as soon as she did I woke up and started bouncing like mad. I didn’t want her to think I fell asleep on the job! She said, “ssshhhh little baby. You don’t have to bounce any more. You can sleep now.”
I think that’s nice, so I will.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
I can spit! I like to blow spit bubbles. I put my lips together and blow. PPPPPpbbbbbbbb! I like to blow spit bubbles. To bbbllloowww spppiiitttt bubbbbbllleees. To blow blow blow blow blow spit spit spit spit spit bubbles bubbles bubbles! Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bubbles!
PPPppppppppppppppbbbbbbbbbbbbbpbpbpbpbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!!!!
Oops! Now my chin is chapped.
The weather has been so nice here that Mama put up the laundry line and hung the wet clothes and sheets and towels outside in the sun to dry.
Sabrina saw that and ran up and down the line and in and out of the sheets and towels. She said they looked like white flags hanging there. I agree. Maybe the white flags mean that we are surrendering to the neighbors? Mama says no, that they may be Mexican nationals, but the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in still stands.
Today we are taking the car to Honda for a check-up. Big sister Sabrina wanted to know if she would have to get a shot at the check-up. Mama said no, we would just play in the waiting room while we wait for the car. Big sister Sabrina is hoping they have a trampoline to play on. Mama said that would be really nice, but she didn’t think so.
At lunch today big sister Sabrina asked when we were going to hell. Mama about had a heart attack and thought for a minute that the Mormons had gotten to Sabrina. Then she remembered the Mormons aren’t big on hell—that’s the Baptists. Since there aren’t many Baptists in Provo, Mama asked, “what does that mean?” And big sister Sabrina said, “riding bikes!”
Mama says that sometimes Sabrina doesn’t know that her made up words are real words. Like when Mama says, what would you like for breakfast, Sabrina? And Sabrina says, DOE-DOE! Doe-doe could be a really bad word in some other language, and Sabrina would never know it. One time Sabrina said she would like CA-CA! for breakfast. Mama set her straight on that one.
It’s time for me to take my nap. I fell asleep in my bouncer while Mama was typing this letter for me. She turned around and found me slumped on my octopus.
She tried to lift me up real gently, but as soon as she did I woke up and started bouncing like mad. I didn’t want her to think I fell asleep on the job! She said, “ssshhhh little baby. You don’t have to bounce any more. You can sleep now.”
I think that’s nice, so I will.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Yes I Love Cats
Dear Tante and Oma,I like cats! Little cats, big cats, I like cats! Yellow cats, black cats, I like cats!
Kitty cats are a lot like me. They are soft, like me. They like gentle touches, like me. Their ears are the biggest part of them, just like me. They like things that move, just like me. They have to watch the big people eat good food and not get any, just like me. They are not allowed to get on the tables or counters, just like me. They like to snuggle in Mama’s lap, just like me. When there is a loud noise, they hide under the bed—just like me!
OK, I can’t get under the bed yet, but I would hide under there if I could when Mama gets out the vacuum cleaner.
I like Boo the best. He climbs in Mama’s lap while I’m cuddled there, and he cuddles with me too. He says ppppppppppppuuuuuuurrrrrrbbbbb, just like me! I say it back to him---- pppppppbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrbbbb. Then he drools, just like me! He doesn’t have very many teeth, just like me. I grab the fur on his head and sometimes he says BRAOW! Then I grab his collar and play with his tags. These tags are hard and shiny. They are different from the tags I usually fiddle, but I like them a lot.
Guess what? I have a game that I can play! I can hold my pink pooh bear blanket in front of my face. When Mama says Peekaboo! I whip down that blanket and laugh.
Sabrina has a new game too. It’s called Get On the Kitchen Counter With No Help. She gets on her Sabrina stool and then climbs the drawers. Mama says maybe this isn’t the kind of milestone we want to celebrate. Mama sings a song to her that goes like this:
You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Monkey,
Climbin’ All the Time.
You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Monkey,
Climbin’ All the Time.
You Ain’t Never Fallen Down
And You Are a Friend of Mine!
Mama shimmies her hips while she sings it. I think it’s funny, and a little indecent too!
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama is sick today. Two days ago we had the same kind of sickness, but now I have a better sickness and Mama has a worse one. That means Daddy will be home this afternoon to play with us while Mama sleeps. Do you think Mama will let me nap with her? I think maybe. Mama says maybe not.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Two, Four, Six, Eight, Time to Transubstantiate
Dear Tante Ingrid,
I have a dent in my head! Daddy let me fall asleep in my bouncy chair this morning and left me there with my head on the bar. He said I could have a little snoozle. When I woke up, I had a bright red nose like Rudolph and a dent in my head!
Mama says it’s OK; Oma dented Tante Ingrid’s head on the arm of the rocker when she was a baby and Tante Ingrid turned out mostly OK.
Last night Mama and Daddy were watching a silly show called The World’s Stupidest Daredevils. There were twenty of them, and the show counted them down. They showed people doing some things that Mama called “ridiculously stupid,” like one man who set himself on fire, got on a bike, and rode off a cliff to land on a pile of mattresses.
Except he missed.
When I saw that one, I closed my eyes and kept them closed.
Then they had comedians and other famous people comment on the stupid people. The funny thing was that one of the famous people commenting on the stupid people was Tonya Harding. Daddy wanted to know why Tonya Harding was a commenting people, since she was one of the stupid people. He wanted to know if she would be number three in the countdown.
Mama says if Tonya Harding is number three, then Daddy might be number two.
Daddy was in charge of getting big sister Sabrina dressed for church this morning. Mama said big sister should wear a pull-up, just in case. Mama says peeing on the pews is even worse than taking the body of Christ and crumbling him all over the pew during communion.
When we got to church, Miss Mirjam laughed and asked if Sabrina was going swimming. Daddy put a swim diaper on Sabrina instead of a pull-up! Lucky for us Sabrina kept her pee and the body of Christ off the pew today.
Then yesterday Mama sent Daddy and Sabrina outside to play with some bubbles. It was a new big long bubble wand in a long clear tube filled with soapy soap. Daddy wanted to know how to make the bubbles and Mama said to run around with it because the wand was too big to blow into and make bubbles.
Later Mama saw the bubble tube on the counter, and the soapy soap was half gone! Mama wanted to know why, and Daddy said that he had run around holding it like Mama said, but the top came off and all the soapy soap all fell out. Turns out Mama needed to tell Daddy:
Step One. Take the wand out of the bubble mixture.
Step Two. Run around with the wand in the air, but not the tube.
Mama laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a nice sound.
On Thursday the doorbell rang and there was a big box on the doorstep! Big sister Sabrina gets so excited when the doorbell rings that she starts barking just like the dogs. But when she found out her name was on the big box, she just about started panting. It turned out it was lots of things for big sister from Mama’s friend Auntie Gwen’s sister Ann Marie’s girls Tessa and Tali. I hope you followed that, ‘cause I really can’t.
Those little girls wrote big sister Sabrina a really nice card. The front has a picture of a horse and rider jumping over a fence. It’s not a picture like Oma makes but a picture like Mama draws for Sabrina except a lot better.
The card says that the horse on the front is the Tessa and Tali’s pony. I didn’t know there were people in the world who have their own ponies at their house! We have a pony at our house but he’s littler than I am and stuffed full of cotton.
I think it would be nice to live in a house with a real pony. Mama says houses with real ponies cost a lot of money. Mama says that she doesn’t know about Tessa and Tali but sometimes mamas and daddies have a lot of money but not too much happy. She says that happens a lot. I think that means I’m never going to live in a house with a real pony.
The big box from the pony people had all sorts of wonderful things in it. It had some long long gold gloves, and some shoes with sparkles on them. Now Sabrina’s Cinderella getup is complete.
It also had things from Disneyland like a Tinkerbell book bag, and a sparkly shirt that says “Princess.” There were lots of nice clothes and hats and gloves and shoes and clogs and ice skates. Mama says it was really generous of them and that now we don’t have to go shopping and give all our money to Deseret Industries.
Did I tell you that I really like tags? They are my all time favorite thing in the world after my Mama, my Daddy, and my big sister Sabrina. If you give my any plushy toy or wubba nub, I’ll turn that thing around and around until I find the tag. Then I’ll flick it and rub it and chew on it and worry it to pieces. If I can’t find a tag, then I’ll find the plushy’s ear or leg and do the same thing.
Last week when we went to Salt Lake City Mama forgot to bring me plushies with tags. Miss Mirjam gave a soft doll to me to hold. I couldn’t find a tag on it, though! Finally I decided to play with the ear. Mama said, “any ear in a storm!” I don’t know what that means, except maybe that it was snowing outside and I like ears.
On Friday Oma was all upset about her “computer cord.” She said mean things about those nice TSA people who give us stickers and tell us to go to college so we won’t have to be TSA agents when we grow up.
Oma was even using bad words on the telephone. Mama said, “MOM!” kind of loud when Oma said a bad word. Big sister Sabrina said, “Are you talking to Oma?” Mama said yes. Sabrina asked, really excited, “did Oma throw up?!”
That Sabrina is silly. Tonight at dinner, instead of saying “please may I have some more avocados?” she said, “May I have some more avocados I asked?” I think she’s been reading too many books and she’s narrating her own story. Mama says next thing she needs is a soundtrack.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama says that I do so know people with ponies at their house. Our backyard neighbors have a horse named Goliath at their house. Goliath is Katie’s “nemesis,” whatever that means.
Those neighbors are named Miss Emily and Mr. Clayton and they also have chickens. They have some new baby chicks that we get to go see! BRAWK! BRAWK! They also have a new baby named Kate, but I don’t think she says BRAWK! But maybe she does.
I have a dent in my head! Daddy let me fall asleep in my bouncy chair this morning and left me there with my head on the bar. He said I could have a little snoozle. When I woke up, I had a bright red nose like Rudolph and a dent in my head!
Mama says it’s OK; Oma dented Tante Ingrid’s head on the arm of the rocker when she was a baby and Tante Ingrid turned out mostly OK.
Last night Mama and Daddy were watching a silly show called The World’s Stupidest Daredevils. There were twenty of them, and the show counted them down. They showed people doing some things that Mama called “ridiculously stupid,” like one man who set himself on fire, got on a bike, and rode off a cliff to land on a pile of mattresses.
Except he missed.
When I saw that one, I closed my eyes and kept them closed.
Then they had comedians and other famous people comment on the stupid people. The funny thing was that one of the famous people commenting on the stupid people was Tonya Harding. Daddy wanted to know why Tonya Harding was a commenting people, since she was one of the stupid people. He wanted to know if she would be number three in the countdown.
Mama says if Tonya Harding is number three, then Daddy might be number two.
Daddy was in charge of getting big sister Sabrina dressed for church this morning. Mama said big sister should wear a pull-up, just in case. Mama says peeing on the pews is even worse than taking the body of Christ and crumbling him all over the pew during communion.
When we got to church, Miss Mirjam laughed and asked if Sabrina was going swimming. Daddy put a swim diaper on Sabrina instead of a pull-up! Lucky for us Sabrina kept her pee and the body of Christ off the pew today.
Then yesterday Mama sent Daddy and Sabrina outside to play with some bubbles. It was a new big long bubble wand in a long clear tube filled with soapy soap. Daddy wanted to know how to make the bubbles and Mama said to run around with it because the wand was too big to blow into and make bubbles.
Later Mama saw the bubble tube on the counter, and the soapy soap was half gone! Mama wanted to know why, and Daddy said that he had run around holding it like Mama said, but the top came off and all the soapy soap all fell out. Turns out Mama needed to tell Daddy:
Step One. Take the wand out of the bubble mixture.
Step Two. Run around with the wand in the air, but not the tube.
Mama laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a nice sound.
On Thursday the doorbell rang and there was a big box on the doorstep! Big sister Sabrina gets so excited when the doorbell rings that she starts barking just like the dogs. But when she found out her name was on the big box, she just about started panting. It turned out it was lots of things for big sister from Mama’s friend Auntie Gwen’s sister Ann Marie’s girls Tessa and Tali. I hope you followed that, ‘cause I really can’t.
Those little girls wrote big sister Sabrina a really nice card. The front has a picture of a horse and rider jumping over a fence. It’s not a picture like Oma makes but a picture like Mama draws for Sabrina except a lot better.
The card says that the horse on the front is the Tessa and Tali’s pony. I didn’t know there were people in the world who have their own ponies at their house! We have a pony at our house but he’s littler than I am and stuffed full of cotton.
I think it would be nice to live in a house with a real pony. Mama says houses with real ponies cost a lot of money. Mama says that she doesn’t know about Tessa and Tali but sometimes mamas and daddies have a lot of money but not too much happy. She says that happens a lot. I think that means I’m never going to live in a house with a real pony.
The big box from the pony people had all sorts of wonderful things in it. It had some long long gold gloves, and some shoes with sparkles on them. Now Sabrina’s Cinderella getup is complete.
It also had things from Disneyland like a Tinkerbell book bag, and a sparkly shirt that says “Princess.” There were lots of nice clothes and hats and gloves and shoes and clogs and ice skates. Mama says it was really generous of them and that now we don’t have to go shopping and give all our money to Deseret Industries.
Did I tell you that I really like tags? They are my all time favorite thing in the world after my Mama, my Daddy, and my big sister Sabrina. If you give my any plushy toy or wubba nub, I’ll turn that thing around and around until I find the tag. Then I’ll flick it and rub it and chew on it and worry it to pieces. If I can’t find a tag, then I’ll find the plushy’s ear or leg and do the same thing.
Last week when we went to Salt Lake City Mama forgot to bring me plushies with tags. Miss Mirjam gave a soft doll to me to hold. I couldn’t find a tag on it, though! Finally I decided to play with the ear. Mama said, “any ear in a storm!” I don’t know what that means, except maybe that it was snowing outside and I like ears.
On Friday Oma was all upset about her “computer cord.” She said mean things about those nice TSA people who give us stickers and tell us to go to college so we won’t have to be TSA agents when we grow up.
Oma was even using bad words on the telephone. Mama said, “MOM!” kind of loud when Oma said a bad word. Big sister Sabrina said, “Are you talking to Oma?” Mama said yes. Sabrina asked, really excited, “did Oma throw up?!”
That Sabrina is silly. Tonight at dinner, instead of saying “please may I have some more avocados?” she said, “May I have some more avocados I asked?” I think she’s been reading too many books and she’s narrating her own story. Mama says next thing she needs is a soundtrack.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama says that I do so know people with ponies at their house. Our backyard neighbors have a horse named Goliath at their house. Goliath is Katie’s “nemesis,” whatever that means.
Those neighbors are named Miss Emily and Mr. Clayton and they also have chickens. They have some new baby chicks that we get to go see! BRAWK! BRAWK! They also have a new baby named Kate, but I don’t think she says BRAWK! But maybe she does.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Mother's Little Helper
Dear Oma,
That’s the nice thing about being a baby. Everyone thinks you’re napping, but really you hear everything. Kind of like when people think Daddy can’t hear things because never speaks, but then it turns out he hears more than just about anyone else.
Mama had a little trouble last week. Mama cried after Sabrina’s tantrum. Mama also took a little pink pill and talked about “disrespect” when she woke up and found everyone had left lots of things around the house for her to do. Then when we got home from Salt Lake City Mama had to take a little pink pill and go to bed and sleep for 14 hours.
Well, this week Mama and Daddy had a “Come to Jesus” talk. I don’t know what Jesus has to do with it, but that’s what Mama calls it. Now Daddy and Sabrina are working a lot more around the house. Sabrina has to help make the beds in the morning and help put her own laundry away.
Everyone has to do a big family fifteen-minute clean up after dinner but before dessert or anything else good. Mama says we have to find things laying around the house and send them back to their ancestral homelands. (She says Tante Ingrid thought of that funny thing to say.) Mama says that Daddy can call it the “anti-immigration plan” if it makes his Republican self feel better about cleaning up.
Mama seems more cheerful, especially when she sees Daddy folding laundry and doing dishes. She says a man’s work is never done.
Big sister Sabrina has been asking questions about Grammy. Like when will Grammy come back to Grammy and Poppy’s house? Mama says Grammy is in heaven and once you go to heaven you stay there, just like our best golden retriever Shiloh.
Sabrina asked how Grammy got to heaven, and did she drive? Mama said she didn’t drive, but we don’t know exactly how you get to heaven except by grace and good works. That worries me, because I’m not big enough to get a job yet.
Then Sabrina asked about a hundred questions about Shiloh, like did Shiloh lick Sabrina and did he take her teddy bears? Sabrina says she bets Grammy is throwing the ball for Shiloh in heaven.
Big sister wants to know when she will go to heaven, and will Mama and Daddy be there too? Mama said yes, but no one is going for a long long long long long time.
Daddy says don’t plan on having him there too, that he may be hanging out with Uncle Lance and Grandpa Leroy down below. Mama says hush.
Mama says Grammy will always watch over us and we can talk to Grammy any time we want to just by closing our eyes and talking to her— just like we do with God and Jesus. Sabrina got upset and said she didn’t want to close her eyes. Mama said that was fine, that we could talk to God and Jesus and Grammy with our eyes open.
Tante says we might not get an answer just the way we do when we ask Mama or Daddy a question, like why did Thomas the Tank Engine have an accident? But Mama says we might get an answer in our heart.
That sounds like the kind of silly thing big people say when they don’t know the answer, because even I know we hear with our ears. Sabrina is always covering hers when there is a loud noise or she doesn’t like what Mama says.
I forgot to tell you that last week we had a play date with our new dog Sunny’s old family! We had fun. Mama found Sunny on Freecycle. Her old family is very nice and just wanted a fenced yard and a nice home for Sunny-Sun-Sunshine.
Mama said when Sunny’s old family had their twins they added on to their house and lost their fenced yard. Mama says they have more than twins—they have eight children! That’s a lot of children! That mama must need a lot of little pink pills.
Mama also says that Sunny’s old family didn’t mean to have eight kids, it just sort of happened. She says there are other color pills to help with that.
Big sister Sabrina is playing Dr. Sabrina with her doctor kit today. She’s busy taking measurements and pulling pretend beans out of Mama’s ears.
Tell her to get away from me with that needle thing. I had a run-in with one of those on Friday, and I didn’t like it one bit. I cried and cried, but they poked me anyway. I had to cry until Mama held me and I fell asleep.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Instead of being a regular doctor like Dr. Sabrina, I am going to be a dentist. I like to put my finger in Mama’s mouth and pull until she opens wide.
Friday, March 13, 2009
I-N-T-E-R-V-E-N-T-I-O-N
Dear Tante Ingrid,
Thank you for your very nice letter back to me. Mama read it to me and said you’re a really good writer and you give very kind and good advice. She got a little teary.
Mama says she thinks someone may have given her family an intervention. I think that’s different than the show Mama and I watch sometimes at night called I-N-T-E-R-V-E-N-T-I-O-N. In that show people drink and cry and drink and cry and their mamas and daddys cry and help and cry and help. Then they have a big meeting where all the crying people get together and the drinkers promise to get on a plane and go someplace where they have to do chores and learn how to be big people.
Mama says it’s not the drinkers fault, some people grow up on the outside and don’t grow up on the inside and then later have to get their insides and outsides to match. Kind of like Peter Pan, but the opposite. After the drinkers agree to get on a plane and go do chores the helpers cry again but this time happy tears.
Here’s the intervention: yesterday morning Oma came downstairs and said she felt really bad that Mama thought all those helpful little suggestions were criticisms. She said that she really just meant them as suggestions. She said some other nice things too; like that Mama was a really good mama, and that she can’t think of anything Mama could do better, and that just watching all the things that Mama does around here makes Oma tired.
Mama didn’t cry, but you could tell if she had they would have been happy tears. Mama said it was OK, and that she knew Oma couldn’t really help herself. That’s a lot like those people on I-N-T-E-R-V-E-N-T-I-O-N. Then Oma went to the airport just like they do.
When we got home from the airport, Daddy came home because Mama was really tired and her head hurt and she needed a nap. Mama’s head hurts a lot of the time. An hour into Mama’s nap Daddy brought Mama a really tired wiggly baby named ME! He said it would be a good idea if Mama and ME! slept together because we were both really tired. I might have slept for a little while, but mostly I wiggled and chatted and squawked and cried and spit out my pacie and looked at Bella and grabbed parts of Mama’s face and pulled really hard. Mama called for Daddy but he and big sister Sabrina were outside playing. So Mama’s two-hour nap was a one-hour nap. She says it’s time to put the KI-BOSH on letting Daddy put little people in bed with her during naptime. She says if it’s such a good idea then I can go to bed with Daddy when he hits the hay at 8:30 at night. I don’t like the sound of that.
Well, what you said about sleeping with my tribe is sure true. I like to hear Mama breathe and smell her even when it doesn’t smell like soap and whatnot. I also like to see her, no matter what she’s doing and no matter what her hair is doing. What you said about Oma and the undershirt is true too! She puts undershirts on me and big sister Sabrina all the time! I think it might be a German think though, ‘cause Miss Mirjam always has baby Marie in tights and undershirts. Mama says when she was little but even bigger than big sister Sabrina, Oma always made her wear an itchy blue sweater covered by a windbreaker, no matter how hot she got playing or rollerskating or riding her bike outside. You and Mama sure know a lot of stuff.
Well, I better go. I think I might need to poop again. Don’t tell big sister Sabrina—she’s too interested in poop already.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama sings that beans in your ears song! Except Sabrina likes it “toes in your ears.” Silly Sabrina.
P.P.S. I have lots more to tell you, but it might have to wait until tomorrow. Mama says she has to lie down, and I can’t type by myself yet.
Thank you for your very nice letter back to me. Mama read it to me and said you’re a really good writer and you give very kind and good advice. She got a little teary.
Mama says she thinks someone may have given her family an intervention. I think that’s different than the show Mama and I watch sometimes at night called I-N-T-E-R-V-E-N-T-I-O-N. In that show people drink and cry and drink and cry and their mamas and daddys cry and help and cry and help. Then they have a big meeting where all the crying people get together and the drinkers promise to get on a plane and go someplace where they have to do chores and learn how to be big people.
Mama says it’s not the drinkers fault, some people grow up on the outside and don’t grow up on the inside and then later have to get their insides and outsides to match. Kind of like Peter Pan, but the opposite. After the drinkers agree to get on a plane and go do chores the helpers cry again but this time happy tears.
Here’s the intervention: yesterday morning Oma came downstairs and said she felt really bad that Mama thought all those helpful little suggestions were criticisms. She said that she really just meant them as suggestions. She said some other nice things too; like that Mama was a really good mama, and that she can’t think of anything Mama could do better, and that just watching all the things that Mama does around here makes Oma tired.
Mama didn’t cry, but you could tell if she had they would have been happy tears. Mama said it was OK, and that she knew Oma couldn’t really help herself. That’s a lot like those people on I-N-T-E-R-V-E-N-T-I-O-N. Then Oma went to the airport just like they do.
When we got home from the airport, Daddy came home because Mama was really tired and her head hurt and she needed a nap. Mama’s head hurts a lot of the time. An hour into Mama’s nap Daddy brought Mama a really tired wiggly baby named ME! He said it would be a good idea if Mama and ME! slept together because we were both really tired. I might have slept for a little while, but mostly I wiggled and chatted and squawked and cried and spit out my pacie and looked at Bella and grabbed parts of Mama’s face and pulled really hard. Mama called for Daddy but he and big sister Sabrina were outside playing. So Mama’s two-hour nap was a one-hour nap. She says it’s time to put the KI-BOSH on letting Daddy put little people in bed with her during naptime. She says if it’s such a good idea then I can go to bed with Daddy when he hits the hay at 8:30 at night. I don’t like the sound of that.
Well, what you said about sleeping with my tribe is sure true. I like to hear Mama breathe and smell her even when it doesn’t smell like soap and whatnot. I also like to see her, no matter what she’s doing and no matter what her hair is doing. What you said about Oma and the undershirt is true too! She puts undershirts on me and big sister Sabrina all the time! I think it might be a German think though, ‘cause Miss Mirjam always has baby Marie in tights and undershirts. Mama says when she was little but even bigger than big sister Sabrina, Oma always made her wear an itchy blue sweater covered by a windbreaker, no matter how hot she got playing or rollerskating or riding her bike outside. You and Mama sure know a lot of stuff.
Well, I better go. I think I might need to poop again. Don’t tell big sister Sabrina—she’s too interested in poop already.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama sings that beans in your ears song! Except Sabrina likes it “toes in your ears.” Silly Sabrina.
P.P.S. I have lots more to tell you, but it might have to wait until tomorrow. Mama says she has to lie down, and I can’t type by myself yet.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Helpful Little Suggestion
Dear Tante Ingrid,
Mama said you might like a little letter telling you about Oma’s trip here to visit us. Mama says you’re working very hard, so you might like a little break.
It’s been very nice having an Oma here. She thinks it’s a crime that I have to sleep in my swing, so I’ve spent lots of time cuddled with her and sleeping in her arms. It’s very comfy and soft. She keeps putting “a little blanket” over me. I don’t think it’s so little, ‘cause I always wake up sweaty. Then my hair sticks straight up. But that’s OK. I like to look at Oma and smile and grab her nose when I’m awake.
Oma feeds me, too. Mama makes the food. Oma said my Babycook is really neat and whatever Mama paid for it, it was worth it. I agree! After Mama makes the food, Oma feeds me tiny little molecules and announces I’m all done. Fooey! You couldn’t keep a bird alive on those portions. Lucky for me Mama comes over and feeds me the rest of the food while Oma says, “your Mama sure does shovel it in, doesn’t she?”
Actually, Oma says things like that a lot. She asks me and Sabrina if maybe your Mama has a napkin, or if maybe your Mama could bring over a warm wet washcloth (like Mama makes us use the cold damp kind?), or if maybe your Mama made coffee, or if maybe your Mama could pour some juice, or if maybe your Mama has a burp cloth. You’d think she could tell that Sabrina and I are not Mama, and cannot answer the question. Maybe her eyesight is going?
It seems like lots of things are going on Oma. She says her back hurts, her neck hurts, her hands hurt, and her hips hurt. It’s kind of sad. I think this kidney infection has taken it out of her. I don’t know what a kidney is, but it seems pretty important. Oma can’t even get up with me in her arms, or change my diaper in the pack-n-play, or put me in the swing, or pick me up. It’s OK, though, ‘cause “maybe your Mama could do it?” Ha ha!
One thing that’s not going is that lady’s trigger finger. She takes lots and lots of pictures. I think I look pretty good in most of them, even the ones where Sabrina has her hands over her eyes. Oma took some nice pictures when we went to Salt Lake City and saw the temple of that fellow whose name sounds like “Moron.” Sabrina and I had fun on that trip, once Sabrina had her tantrum. After her tantrum she saw a crane—just like on Thomas—and Miss Mirjam pushed her in a stroller and we had some German food so it was all OK.
That Sabrina sister of mine likes having Oma here too. She keeps calling Oma “Mama” and Mama “Oma.” Oma loves that. Oma watches big sister Sabrina play with her trains and reads her German books. Sabrina loves getting all that attention. (Sabrina is always saying, “Mama, I need your ‘tension!” And Mama says, “You have it, little girl, you have it.”)
Oma also spends lots of time trying to do Sabrina’s hair and asking Sabrina if she has to go potty. Sabrina doesn’t like those parts too much.
Today Sabrina had a screaming tantrum because Mama made her sit on the potty. When Sabrina was screaming and crying and kicking and stomping and flailing and falling straight off the potty and playing limp-dead in Mama’s arms, Oma said from the rocking chair, “Don’t wake up the baby!” Mama got real mad and said, “like that’s our biggest problem right now.”
Mama seems kinda cranky—like what she said about big sister’s temper-tantrum. She likes it when Oma says she’s a good Mama. Sometimes Oma and Mama talk and laugh together, and that’s nice too. Oma thinks Mama is funny, and that’s good. But Mama doesn’t like it too much when Oma makes helpful little suggestions. You can tell a helpful little suggestion is coming, because the sentence always starts with, “In my mind, a person ought to . . . .”
In Oma’s mind, a person ought to sit on the potty first thing in the morning and before they do pretty much everything else except blink. A person ought to pull her hair out of her eyes. A person ought to get dressed first thing in the morning. A person ought not take the birth control pill or any other medication if they don’t have to. Except some new birth control pill that Oma saw on TV that treats some disease Oma has never heard of and can’t say but she thinks Mama probably has because the list of symptoms sound just like all of Mama’s problems so she thinks Mama’s depression and anxiety is probably hormonal. A person’s husband ought to have a vasectomy and not be so selfish. A person ought not remind Sabrina too often, but ought to tell Sabrina every once in a while that Sabrina’s bad behavior sets a bad example for Linnea (Mama says it’s not Sabrina’s job to be an example for me and that saying that kind of thing just sets up rivalry.) A person ought not to let Sabrina play upstairs by herself because that child has entirely too much autonomy. A person can’t sleep with a light on like Sabrina’s light, and that’s probably why Sabrina has trouble falling asleep. A person ought to watch Oma do Sabrina’s hair because Sabrina just never argues about it. Maybe Oma is going deaf as well as blind?
We’ve done some fun stuff too. We went for a walk along the river, and had a play date.
Also, Mama’s friend Jody has a mama, and Jody’s Mama came over yesterday with a casserole. I guess it’s because Grammy died. Jody’s Mama lives in Salt Lake City and was coming to Provo anyway, so she said it wasn’t out of her way. She also said she would love to come play with us!
Last night Oma took us all out for dinner and we had a nice time. I cried before dinner and after dinner, but during dinner I was an angel. I didn’t even cry when the waitress called me a boy. Sabrina was really well behaved, too, and ate a good dinner of French fries and bread.
Today we went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart after naps. Mama says she dropped from Whole Foods to Wal-Mart in the blink of a job.
Oma had to come to Wal-Mart with us. She didn’t like that much. Oma says if she hadn’t been such a loudmouth about keeping Wal-Mart out of Windsor there might be some nice things she would buy there. But now she can’t show her face anywhere near that place.
Oma and Daddy have been getting along, so that’s good. Oma asked at lunch today if Mama had life insurance on Daddy. If I were Daddy, I’d sleep with one eye open.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Daddy says if Mama doesn’t like helpful little suggestions, she should heal herself. He says she’s the queen of the helpful little suggestion. Isn’t being a queen good?
Mama said you might like a little letter telling you about Oma’s trip here to visit us. Mama says you’re working very hard, so you might like a little break.
It’s been very nice having an Oma here. She thinks it’s a crime that I have to sleep in my swing, so I’ve spent lots of time cuddled with her and sleeping in her arms. It’s very comfy and soft. She keeps putting “a little blanket” over me. I don’t think it’s so little, ‘cause I always wake up sweaty. Then my hair sticks straight up. But that’s OK. I like to look at Oma and smile and grab her nose when I’m awake.
Oma feeds me, too. Mama makes the food. Oma said my Babycook is really neat and whatever Mama paid for it, it was worth it. I agree! After Mama makes the food, Oma feeds me tiny little molecules and announces I’m all done. Fooey! You couldn’t keep a bird alive on those portions. Lucky for me Mama comes over and feeds me the rest of the food while Oma says, “your Mama sure does shovel it in, doesn’t she?”
Actually, Oma says things like that a lot. She asks me and Sabrina if maybe your Mama has a napkin, or if maybe your Mama could bring over a warm wet washcloth (like Mama makes us use the cold damp kind?), or if maybe your Mama made coffee, or if maybe your Mama could pour some juice, or if maybe your Mama has a burp cloth. You’d think she could tell that Sabrina and I are not Mama, and cannot answer the question. Maybe her eyesight is going?
It seems like lots of things are going on Oma. She says her back hurts, her neck hurts, her hands hurt, and her hips hurt. It’s kind of sad. I think this kidney infection has taken it out of her. I don’t know what a kidney is, but it seems pretty important. Oma can’t even get up with me in her arms, or change my diaper in the pack-n-play, or put me in the swing, or pick me up. It’s OK, though, ‘cause “maybe your Mama could do it?” Ha ha!
One thing that’s not going is that lady’s trigger finger. She takes lots and lots of pictures. I think I look pretty good in most of them, even the ones where Sabrina has her hands over her eyes. Oma took some nice pictures when we went to Salt Lake City and saw the temple of that fellow whose name sounds like “Moron.” Sabrina and I had fun on that trip, once Sabrina had her tantrum. After her tantrum she saw a crane—just like on Thomas—and Miss Mirjam pushed her in a stroller and we had some German food so it was all OK.
That Sabrina sister of mine likes having Oma here too. She keeps calling Oma “Mama” and Mama “Oma.” Oma loves that. Oma watches big sister Sabrina play with her trains and reads her German books. Sabrina loves getting all that attention. (Sabrina is always saying, “Mama, I need your ‘tension!” And Mama says, “You have it, little girl, you have it.”)
Oma also spends lots of time trying to do Sabrina’s hair and asking Sabrina if she has to go potty. Sabrina doesn’t like those parts too much.
Today Sabrina had a screaming tantrum because Mama made her sit on the potty. When Sabrina was screaming and crying and kicking and stomping and flailing and falling straight off the potty and playing limp-dead in Mama’s arms, Oma said from the rocking chair, “Don’t wake up the baby!” Mama got real mad and said, “like that’s our biggest problem right now.”
Mama seems kinda cranky—like what she said about big sister’s temper-tantrum. She likes it when Oma says she’s a good Mama. Sometimes Oma and Mama talk and laugh together, and that’s nice too. Oma thinks Mama is funny, and that’s good. But Mama doesn’t like it too much when Oma makes helpful little suggestions. You can tell a helpful little suggestion is coming, because the sentence always starts with, “In my mind, a person ought to . . . .”
In Oma’s mind, a person ought to sit on the potty first thing in the morning and before they do pretty much everything else except blink. A person ought to pull her hair out of her eyes. A person ought to get dressed first thing in the morning. A person ought not take the birth control pill or any other medication if they don’t have to. Except some new birth control pill that Oma saw on TV that treats some disease Oma has never heard of and can’t say but she thinks Mama probably has because the list of symptoms sound just like all of Mama’s problems so she thinks Mama’s depression and anxiety is probably hormonal. A person’s husband ought to have a vasectomy and not be so selfish. A person ought not remind Sabrina too often, but ought to tell Sabrina every once in a while that Sabrina’s bad behavior sets a bad example for Linnea (Mama says it’s not Sabrina’s job to be an example for me and that saying that kind of thing just sets up rivalry.) A person ought not to let Sabrina play upstairs by herself because that child has entirely too much autonomy. A person can’t sleep with a light on like Sabrina’s light, and that’s probably why Sabrina has trouble falling asleep. A person ought to watch Oma do Sabrina’s hair because Sabrina just never argues about it. Maybe Oma is going deaf as well as blind?
We’ve done some fun stuff too. We went for a walk along the river, and had a play date.
Also, Mama’s friend Jody has a mama, and Jody’s Mama came over yesterday with a casserole. I guess it’s because Grammy died. Jody’s Mama lives in Salt Lake City and was coming to Provo anyway, so she said it wasn’t out of her way. She also said she would love to come play with us!
Last night Oma took us all out for dinner and we had a nice time. I cried before dinner and after dinner, but during dinner I was an angel. I didn’t even cry when the waitress called me a boy. Sabrina was really well behaved, too, and ate a good dinner of French fries and bread.
Today we went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart after naps. Mama says she dropped from Whole Foods to Wal-Mart in the blink of a job.
Oma had to come to Wal-Mart with us. She didn’t like that much. Oma says if she hadn’t been such a loudmouth about keeping Wal-Mart out of Windsor there might be some nice things she would buy there. But now she can’t show her face anywhere near that place.
Oma and Daddy have been getting along, so that’s good. Oma asked at lunch today if Mama had life insurance on Daddy. If I were Daddy, I’d sleep with one eye open.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Daddy says if Mama doesn’t like helpful little suggestions, she should heal herself. He says she’s the queen of the helpful little suggestion. Isn’t being a queen good?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
