Two, Four, Six, Eight, Time to Transubstantiate

Dear Tante Ingrid,

I have a dent in my head! Daddy let me fall asleep in my bouncy chair this morning and left me there with my head on the bar. He said I could have a little snoozle. When I woke up, I had a bright red nose like Rudolph and a dent in my head!

Mama says it’s OK; Oma dented Tante Ingrid’s head on the arm of the rocker when she was a baby and Tante Ingrid turned out mostly OK.

Last night Mama and Daddy were watching a silly show called The World’s Stupidest Daredevils. There were twenty of them, and the show counted them down. They showed people doing some things that Mama called “ridiculously stupid,” like one man who set himself on fire, got on a bike, and rode off a cliff to land on a pile of mattresses.

Except he missed.

When I saw that one, I closed my eyes and kept them closed.

Then they had comedians and other famous people comment on the stupid people. The funny thing was that one of the famous people commenting on the stupid people was Tonya Harding. Daddy wanted to know why Tonya Harding was a commenting people, since she was one of the stupid people. He wanted to know if she would be number three in the countdown.

Mama says if Tonya Harding is number three, then Daddy might be number two.

Daddy was in charge of getting big sister Sabrina dressed for church this morning. Mama said big sister should wear a pull-up, just in case. Mama says peeing on the pews is even worse than taking the body of Christ and crumbling him all over the pew during communion.

When we got to church, Miss Mirjam laughed and asked if Sabrina was going swimming. Daddy put a swim diaper on Sabrina instead of a pull-up! Lucky for us Sabrina kept her pee and the body of Christ off the pew today.

Then yesterday Mama sent Daddy and Sabrina outside to play with some bubbles. It was a new big long bubble wand in a long clear tube filled with soapy soap. Daddy wanted to know how to make the bubbles and Mama said to run around with it because the wand was too big to blow into and make bubbles.

Later Mama saw the bubble tube on the counter, and the soapy soap was half gone! Mama wanted to know why, and Daddy said that he had run around holding it like Mama said, but the top came off and all the soapy soap all fell out. Turns out Mama needed to tell Daddy:
Step One. Take the wand out of the bubble mixture.
Step Two. Run around with the wand in the air, but not the tube.

Mama laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a nice sound.

On Thursday the doorbell rang and there was a big box on the doorstep! Big sister Sabrina gets so excited when the doorbell rings that she starts barking just like the dogs. But when she found out her name was on the big box, she just about started panting. It turned out it was lots of things for big sister from Mama’s friend Auntie Gwen’s sister Ann Marie’s girls Tessa and Tali. I hope you followed that, ‘cause I really can’t.

Those little girls wrote big sister Sabrina a really nice card. The front has a picture of a horse and rider jumping over a fence. It’s not a picture like Oma makes but a picture like Mama draws for Sabrina except a lot better.

The card says that the horse on the front is the Tessa and Tali’s pony. I didn’t know there were people in the world who have their own ponies at their house! We have a pony at our house but he’s littler than I am and stuffed full of cotton.

I think it would be nice to live in a house with a real pony. Mama says houses with real ponies cost a lot of money. Mama says that she doesn’t know about Tessa and Tali but sometimes mamas and daddies have a lot of money but not too much happy. She says that happens a lot. I think that means I’m never going to live in a house with a real pony.

The big box from the pony people had all sorts of wonderful things in it. It had some long long gold gloves, and some shoes with sparkles on them. Now Sabrina’s Cinderella getup is complete.

It also had things from Disneyland like a Tinkerbell book bag, and a sparkly shirt that says “Princess.” There were lots of nice clothes and hats and gloves and shoes and clogs and ice skates. Mama says it was really generous of them and that now we don’t have to go shopping and give all our money to Deseret Industries.

Did I tell you that I really like tags? They are my all time favorite thing in the world after my Mama, my Daddy, and my big sister Sabrina. If you give my any plushy toy or wubba nub, I’ll turn that thing around and around until I find the tag. Then I’ll flick it and rub it and chew on it and worry it to pieces. If I can’t find a tag, then I’ll find the plushy’s ear or leg and do the same thing.

Last week when we went to Salt Lake City Mama forgot to bring me plushies with tags. Miss Mirjam gave a soft doll to me to hold. I couldn’t find a tag on it, though! Finally I decided to play with the ear. Mama said, “any ear in a storm!” I don’t know what that means, except maybe that it was snowing outside and I like ears.

On Friday Oma was all upset about her “computer cord.” She said mean things about those nice TSA people who give us stickers and tell us to go to college so we won’t have to be TSA agents when we grow up.

Oma was even using bad words on the telephone. Mama said, “MOM!” kind of loud when Oma said a bad word. Big sister Sabrina said, “Are you talking to Oma?” Mama said yes. Sabrina asked, really excited, “did Oma throw up?!”

That Sabrina is silly. Tonight at dinner, instead of saying “please may I have some more avocados?” she said, “May I have some more avocados I asked?” I think she’s been reading too many books and she’s narrating her own story. Mama says next thing she needs is a soundtrack.

Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo

P.S. Mama says that I do so know people with ponies at their house. Our backyard neighbors have a horse named Goliath at their house. Goliath is Katie’s “nemesis,” whatever that means.

Those neighbors are named Miss Emily and Mr. Clayton and they also have chickens. They have some new baby chicks that we get to go see! BRAWK! BRAWK! They also have a new baby named Kate, but I don’t think she says BRAWK! But maybe she does.