Boss Hogg

Dear Tante and Oma,

Have you met my jowls? They are very pleased to meet you!

I didn’t used to have jowls. When I was a teeny baby I had cheeks. Then Mama and Daddy fed me formula milk, and my jowls began to grow. Now Mama and Daddy fed me all kinds of milk and cereal and pears and blueberries and carrots and peas and other good things, and my jowls just grow and grow and grow. There’s not much I can do about it. Mama says they may begin to affect my center of gravity.

When I cry at night and don’t want to sleep, Daddy snuggles me. He whispers, it’s OK Linnie. You can sleep. You’ll still have jowls when you wake up.

When my cousin Abby was a little baby, she had big jowls too. Daddy used to call her Boss Hogg. Mama says that Tante should be happy that Mama made her watch The Dukes of Hazard growing up so that now Tante can understand funny cultural references like this one. Lucky for Abby, she grew into her jowls. Maybe I will too.

Daddy calls me Linnie-Jowls from Jowltown. He says I am the mayor of Jowltown. Sometimes he shortens my name to Linnie-Jowls! He tells Sabrina that he and Mama bought me in Jowltown. This doesn’t make much sense—they wouldn’t sell the mayor, would they?

Sabrina says no no, Mama grew me in her tummy. This doesn’t make sense either. How could I ever fit in Mama’s tummy?

I think Daddy and Sabrina are both very silly geese. I tried asking Mama where I came from, but she’s not talking. Can you tell me?

Well, I need to go and drink some milk. My jowls are down a quart!

Love,
Linnie-Jowls from Jowltown