Mama has made a February resolution. She calls it her “Just One Thing” Plan. She’s decided to get rid of Just One Thing from the house every day, until out little house in Provo is as clean as a whistle and as organized as Miss Brooke Frost’s house.
You don’t know Miss Brooke? Well, she’s super organized. Mama loves going to her house. She gets a little giddy. There are labels everywhere.
I don’t like the “Just One Thing” Plan. In the past week alone the following items have walked out of the house:
A bag of cat food
A bag of food from the pantry
A bag of tea bags
A bunch of folders,
A bunch of hair clips
A butcher block cutting board
A coffee grinder
A curling iron
A diaper bag
All my 12-18 month clothes
A popcorn bowl
A rotating spice rack
A straightening iron
A spaetzle press
AND
A waffle maker.
Mama gave away all those things just this week. You don’t want to know all the things that have left the house this year. We’re lucky Mama has left us some pants.
Some things she takes to Deseret Industries. That’s the Mormon Thrift Shop. I think she’s trying to make up for all the ways she tests their faith.
Most things go to Freecycle. Mama types away on the computer and then flings some bagged item onto the porch. Before you know it some nice person drives up, hops out of the car, grabs what’s on the porch, hops back in the car, and zooms away. I’m pretty sure that if you just hung out on our porch for a while you could score some pretty good stuff.
If you see me sitting on the porch, will you come and get me?
Love,
Little Nea
P.S. Mama says, “Don’t worry, it’s not the one you gave us for our wedding.”
Posts
Dear Nea,
ReplyDeleteBecause I'm from a dreary, backward little town that's actually not far from where your Mama grew up I had no idea what a spaetzle was. I now know it has something to do with a "little sparrow". And your Mama used to have something called a "spaetzle press"? I'm not sure I want to know much more. Normally I wouldn't think much of all this, but since you have also told us your Mama bought you a bed from the Graco Gulag collection, we need to have a little talk. One of these days, don't be surprised if Oma, Tante and I show up for a surprise visit at your house. No, we're not solicitors. We'll be there for something called an "intervention" which is a grown up word for a surprise party. Except there aren't any presents, DQ ice cream cake or goodie bags. But don't worry. Miss Rachel,who you met when you were very, VERY small will come too. She'll take you and your sister to the neighborhood 7-11 and get you cool stuff like sour patch kids and something called a suicide slurpie. Then she'll take you to the park and while she's swinging you on the swings, she'll tell you how she's going to marry some guy named Nick Jonas.
And as far as Mama goes, well, back in what she now calls the "dark ages" I used to work with her. And every now and again, she'd have a spell like this. We all knew then that is was time to take her for something called a "double shot, non-fat, soy, half and half latte". And then she'd be fine. Really.
Dear Brad,
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious. Seriously. LOL.
I would never drink a soy latte.