A Classic Blunder

Mama fell victim to one of the classic kindergarten blunders.

The most famous of which is, never go south to drop off at school.

But only slightly less famous is this: never let Sabrina do her own craft project for kindergarten.

A few weeks ago, Sabrina’s morning teacher sent home a turkey.

No, not a real one. Although that would be pretty nifty.

It was a drawing of a turkey on a piece of paper. His name was Al. Al Buquerque. Al Buquerque the Turkey.

Al Buquerque the Turkey came with a note. “This is Al Buquerque the Turkey!” it said. “Can you help him? He’s scared of Thanksgiving. Using only materials you already have at home, disguise Al Buquerque the Turkey so that he won’t be cooked and eaten for Thanksgiving dinner.”

Now let me tell you something about my Mama. She doesn’t have so many materials at home. She doesn’t really sew, unless you need a button on your pants or Katie Dog has eaten the eyeballs off your teddy bear. She can handle that.

She doesn’t scrapbook. She definitely doesn’t do anything crafty. Elmer’s glue worries her. Glitter gives her hives. Sometimes some stickers get loose in the house, but Mama’s pretty fast on the draw. She rounds ‘em up, and throws ‘em out.

Sometimes she’s too fast. On the first day of school Mama had to go dumpster diving in our kitchen trash for some Sleeping Beauty stickers for Sabrina’s ALL ABOUT ME poster.

So when Al Buquerque the Turkey came looking for a getup, about all Sabrina had to work with was a box of washable markers and her wits.

Now Mama and Sabrina did some talking and they decided that Al Buquerque the Turkey’s big belly looked at lot like a pumpkin. And his wattle neck looked a lot like a stem to a pumpkin. So Sabrina decided to make Al Buquerque the Turkey into a Jack-O-Lantern.

Sabrina sat down with a pencil and drew some triangle eyes and nose on Al Buquerque the Turkey’s tummy. She added a scraggly toothy grin and declared herself Done.

Mama took one look and declared Sabrina Not Done.

Mama marched Sabrina right back to the table and made her color in Al Buquerque the Turkey. They had a little kerfluffle over it. Sabrina said no and Mama said yes and Sabrina said no and Mama said do you need a time out? Sabrina said no time out but then she said no coloring again and Mama said, “These are going to be hung up at school. Your teacher is going to see this.” So Sabrina went back to work at the point of a colored pencil.

Big Sister drew the pumpkin orange and the triangle eyes yellow and scribbled some green on the top. Then she declared herself Done.

Mama took one look and declared Sabrina Not Done.

Mama marched Sabrina back to the table and made her write her name next to Al Buquerque the Turkey.

Have you seen Sabrina’s handwriting? It’s not so good.

The last time Daddy saw Sabrina write her name he told Mama they should just give up and teach Sabrina to make her mark.

Anyway, by the time the pencil and the coloring and the kerfluffle were over, Sabrina wasn’t real invested. So her name looked like this:

Sabrinarinanna

Sabrina declared herself Done, and Mama declared herself Tired.

The next day we went to school to turn in Al Buquerque the Turkey, and we saw all the other Al Buquerque the Turkeys hanging up in the hallway.

I knew right away that Sabrina’s Al Buquerque the Turkey was cooked.

It was like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade of Turkeys. Like Easter morning in Turkey church. Only with better hats.

There was Al Buquerque the Turkey in a full pilgrim costume, made of fabric. Pilgrim turkey had a little felt hat with a buckle and a jaunty feather. There was Native American turkey. There was Al Buquerque the Turkey in a feather boa. Al Buquerque the Turkey hidden in a cereal bowl—with real cereal glued all over him. My favorite was Al Buquerque the Turkey in a complete miniature of the little girl’s Halloween costume, complete with a tiny tulle tutu glued around his waist.

Mama stood in front of those Al Buquerque the Turkeys for a long time. One of the school secretaries wandered by the turkeys and said, “Aren’t they great? I just love this project!”

“Please tell me there was significant parental involvement in most of these,” mumbled Mama. The school secretary just laughed and walked away.

Tiny tulle tutu’s Mama stopped by too. Mama complimented her on the tiny tulle tutu and tiny tulle tutu’s Mama chirped, “Thanks! It was a ton of work, but it’s what my daughter wanted!”

I’m pretty sure that Mama hadn’t spent a lot of time considering what Sabrina wanted.

Anyhoo, Sabrina’s Al Buquerque the Turkey has been hanging up for a while now, and no one has eaten him yet. Turns out there were some other little kids who colored their own Al Buquerque the Turkeys, too. One little boy colored his own turkey and wrote some words on there to explain his project that I can’t even read.

And it’s not because I can’t even read yet.

The sting of Al Buquerque the Turkey had pretty much worn off until today. That’s when Mama opened up the homework folder from Sabrina’s afternoon teacher.

“This is Gus the Gobbler!” it said.  “Can you help him? He’s scared of Thanksgiving. Using only materials you already have at home, disguise Gus the Gobbler so that he won’t be cooked and eaten for Thanksgiving dinner!”

I don’t think Mama should bang her head on the wall like that. It can’t be good for the wall.

Love,
Gobble Gobble!