By the Sucking of My Thumbs, Something Wicked This Way Comes

Dear Oma and Tante,

Something wicked this way came! Someone came and took away my real Mama!

You might know my real Mama. My real Mama wears jeans and shorts and t-shirts and spends the day with me. I wake up with her and fall asleep in her arms. She feeds me and takes me on walks and pushes me on swings at the park.

Now my real Mama is gone. Someone came and replaced her with a new Mama. I do not like this new Mama.

This new Mama has purple toenails and high heels and won’t let me chew on her shirt. This new Mama goes to bed before I do and wakes up with the sun instead of with me. This new Mama goes somewhere every day called “work.”

Daddy calls this Mama’s work “school.”

Big Sister Sabrina is not bothered by this new Mama. Big Sister says Mama’s purple toes look pretty and wants to know if Mama has balloons again at her work.

Did they take my real Mama away to work at a clown school?

This new Mama talks differently. Yesternight at dinner she said, “Time to say grace.” Sabrina said, “I want to say ‘Nea gookies’ instead.” New Mama's face said, “nope,” but her mouth said, “Go ahead.”

So grace sounded like this: “God is ‘Nea great gookies God is ‘Nea good gookies” and new Mama had to tell Sabrina to knock it off.

Next Sabrina asked if we could put our face in our cup of apple juice. New Mama said, “I’d like to see you try.”

Daddy said that Mama “has been back to work one day and has lost all her Mommy IQ.”

At bedtime Big Sister had a big poop-a-loop. While she was changing Sister’s diaper, new Mama asked Sister, “How old do you think you will be when you start putting your poop in the potty?”

Sister said, “Hmmmmm. I think maybe eight.”

New Mama said they don’t make diapers for eight-year-olds, and Sister should think again.

Sister said, “Oh. Then I think maybe six.”

I think maybe Daddy is right. My real Mama knows better than to ask the question.

Love,
Little Linnie Lou