Dear Tante and Oma,
Early early Thursday morning Mama and Daddy put a crying ME! and a crying Sister in the car and we drove and drove and drove.
When I woke up the first time it was still dark and we were in Dixie!
No, not that Dixie.
In Utah they call St. George "Dixie" because Brigham Young sent Mormons there to grow cotton. I thought you needed water to grow cotton, but if those people in St. George have any water they sure are doing a good job of hiding it. They only things those people are growing are golf courses and scrub.
In Dixie they have a big "D" on the mountain for the university that didn't hire Daddy. Mama says the “D” stands for “darn hot.” She says it’s a good thing we didn’t move there because she’d never leave the house in the summer time. Daddy says they should retire there and he'll play golf. Mama says Daddy can retire there when she’s dead.
When I woke up the second time we were in someplace Mama and Daddy kept calling "Vegas, baby. Vegas." We had some breakfast at a place called Jack in the Box. Mama wasn’t impressed. Mama said, "What DO you do with a Kangaroo?" Then we kept driving.
The next time I woke we were at Starbucks. It was like home.
Then we were at Uncle Big John's and Aunt Nicole's!
Everything here is tall. Uncle John is tall. Baby Jack is tall. The house is three stories and the doors are tall. I'll bet they are as tall as my ceiling at home. The ceilings are even taller than the doors. I'll bet they are as tall as Daddy-- taller even-- and he's the tallest thing I know!
Just like Sister Sabrina, this is a house that tattles on you. When you open a door to the outside a bell chimes. Mama found that one out the hard way. I don’t think she was trying to escape, but you never know.
They have a really big sandbox and a really big swimming pool! These are called "the beach." We went to this beach on Thursday, and on Friday I got to play with the sand. Then Daddy held me and put my feet in the water. My pants got plenty wet, but I liked it a lot.
That baby Jack is one month older than I am but he can crawl and stand and walk around holding on to someone's hand.
It's sad.
I guess it's because he can't do yoga poses to get toys like I do, and he doesn't have a toy delivery system like I have (its name is "Sabrina") so he had to learn to crawl.
That lucky Jack has a Grammy named Miss Marie. She lives here with him. He also has a nanny named Miss Nina who comes to help Miss Marie. She is from Finland. She is very nice. I put my head on her shoulder today to show her how nice she is. Then I fell asleep.
More later!
Love,
Little Linnie Lou
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
1984
Dear Oma and Tante,
Mama had to give Big Sisser extra cuddles this morning. She told Sister than we were leaving for California early early the next morning.
Sister started crying.
“Are you just going to leave?” asked Sister, very sad. She thought Mama and Daddy were going to leave without her!
Mama held Sabrina in her arms and said, “Don’t worry Sabrina. We would NEVER leave you.” Then Mama explained that Mama and Daddy will put the two girls in the car and we’ll all go to California together.
She also explained that Sabrina and Linnea are never never never never never never never never never left alone.
It was actually kind of creepy in a big brother sort of way.
Love,
Little Linnie Orwell
Mama had to give Big Sisser extra cuddles this morning. She told Sister than we were leaving for California early early the next morning.
Sister started crying.
“Are you just going to leave?” asked Sister, very sad. She thought Mama and Daddy were going to leave without her!
Mama held Sabrina in her arms and said, “Don’t worry Sabrina. We would NEVER leave you.” Then Mama explained that Mama and Daddy will put the two girls in the car and we’ll all go to California together.
She also explained that Sabrina and Linnea are never never never never never never never never never left alone.
It was actually kind of creepy in a big brother sort of way.
Love,
Little Linnie Orwell
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A Guest Post From Mama
I'm sorry-- I can't hear you over all the noise. That racket? Oh, that's just my three-year-old daughter sobbing in Time Out. Why is she in Time Out? For throwing her juice cup across the room.
You see, I had the unmitigated gall to give her juice in a Thomas the Tank Engine cup instead of a Cinderella cup.
Don't worry. She's almost four. I'm sure this ridiculous behavior will stop soon.
What? What? WHAT? You say it won't stop? It will continue? Maybe get worse? Four is a “tough” age too?
Excuse me, I need to go throw myself off a bridge.
You see, I had the unmitigated gall to give her juice in a Thomas the Tank Engine cup instead of a Cinderella cup.
Don't worry. She's almost four. I'm sure this ridiculous behavior will stop soon.
What? What? WHAT? You say it won't stop? It will continue? Maybe get worse? Four is a “tough” age too?
Excuse me, I need to go throw myself off a bridge.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
If You’re Going to San Francisco, Be Sure to Wear Raisins In Your Hair
Dear Oma and Tante,
Today Mama was trying to brush Big Sister’s hair and found a big sticky glob in it. After consulting with Daddy, they finally figured out the mystery of the glob. It was a RAISIN! A big old smashy raisin.
Mama’s a little confused because Big Sister hasn’t had raisins since yesterday morning. She says Sabrina can just ask for snacks. She doesn’t have to pack her own.
Daddy says we should watch out for other things hiding in Sister’s hair. Like Jimmy Hoffa.
Who’s Jimmy Hoffa? And why would he be in Sister’s hair?
My Poppy is visiting me! Yesterday when we got home from the airport he took Sabrina out back to play. While he was outside he picked up lots of the dogs’ poop-a-loops. He had a whole bag full. Mama says, “Forget Thomas the Tank Engine. Poppy is a Really Useful Poppy!”
Mama told Daddy that Poppy found so many poop-a-loops out there that Daddy must not be doing his job of daily pickup very well. Daddy says he must be bad at that job and Mama should do it instead. Mama says she has enough poop in her life, and doesn’t need to add any more.
Poppy and Daddy have been golfing and watching the U.S. Open together. Daddy watches the golf on the television and the golf on the Internet at the same time so he can keep tabs on Ernie Els.
Ernie Els is Daddy’s most favorite golfer. Ernie is currently tied for 111th place. Daddy isn’t happy. If Ernie doesn’t make the cut then the Open is OVER as far as Daddy is concerned.
Ernie Els is such Daddy’s favorite that Big Sister Sabrina’s first sentence was “Ernie, Make A Put!” Daddy says instead she should have said, “Ernie, Make The Cut!”
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Sabrina is running around like a banshee yelling about being in a parade. She’s got her horsy riding on her giraffe in the parade. Mama says that’s really rather unnatural, but Sister is undeterred.
Today Mama was trying to brush Big Sister’s hair and found a big sticky glob in it. After consulting with Daddy, they finally figured out the mystery of the glob. It was a RAISIN! A big old smashy raisin.
Mama’s a little confused because Big Sister hasn’t had raisins since yesterday morning. She says Sabrina can just ask for snacks. She doesn’t have to pack her own.
Daddy says we should watch out for other things hiding in Sister’s hair. Like Jimmy Hoffa.
Who’s Jimmy Hoffa? And why would he be in Sister’s hair?
My Poppy is visiting me! Yesterday when we got home from the airport he took Sabrina out back to play. While he was outside he picked up lots of the dogs’ poop-a-loops. He had a whole bag full. Mama says, “Forget Thomas the Tank Engine. Poppy is a Really Useful Poppy!”
Mama told Daddy that Poppy found so many poop-a-loops out there that Daddy must not be doing his job of daily pickup very well. Daddy says he must be bad at that job and Mama should do it instead. Mama says she has enough poop in her life, and doesn’t need to add any more.
Poppy and Daddy have been golfing and watching the U.S. Open together. Daddy watches the golf on the television and the golf on the Internet at the same time so he can keep tabs on Ernie Els.
Ernie Els is Daddy’s most favorite golfer. Ernie is currently tied for 111th place. Daddy isn’t happy. If Ernie doesn’t make the cut then the Open is OVER as far as Daddy is concerned.
Ernie Els is such Daddy’s favorite that Big Sister Sabrina’s first sentence was “Ernie, Make A Put!” Daddy says instead she should have said, “Ernie, Make The Cut!”
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Sabrina is running around like a banshee yelling about being in a parade. She’s got her horsy riding on her giraffe in the parade. Mama says that’s really rather unnatural, but Sister is undeterred.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Toga! Toga!
Dear Oma and Tante,
Well, Daddy wanted a boy; and now it looks like he got one.
It turns out Sabrina is actually a boy. Not just any kind of boy. She’s a frat boy.
Yesterday, in addition to sticking her finger in her bottom (Eeeeuuuuwwww!), she tooted on me. Then, when Daddy was changing her poopy diaper, she said that next time she was going to “poop on ‘Nea’s head.”
Double Eeeuuuuuwww!
Mama and Daddy don’t know whether to paddle her or send her to college. Mama says all Big Sister Sabrina needs is a kegerator and a toga and she’s set to go streaking through the quad.
Love,
Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. What’s a kegerator?
P.P.S. What was Mama doing in college?
Well, Daddy wanted a boy; and now it looks like he got one.
It turns out Sabrina is actually a boy. Not just any kind of boy. She’s a frat boy.
Yesterday, in addition to sticking her finger in her bottom (Eeeeuuuuwwww!), she tooted on me. Then, when Daddy was changing her poopy diaper, she said that next time she was going to “poop on ‘Nea’s head.”
Double Eeeuuuuuwww!
Mama and Daddy don’t know whether to paddle her or send her to college. Mama says all Big Sister Sabrina needs is a kegerator and a toga and she’s set to go streaking through the quad.
Love,
Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. What’s a kegerator?
P.P.S. What was Mama doing in college?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Ol' Chomper
Dear Oma and Tante,
I have a new tooth! One of my top front teeth has come in. Oma actually found it when she was here last week. Daddy calls my new tooth “Ol’ Chomper.”
Mama says, don’t worry. Daddy trotted out that “Ol’ Chomper” joke when Sabrina was a baby, too.
Daddy says I have more teeth now than some of his neighbors at WCU had. Mama says that joke is new.
I also decided today that I like strawberries. Mama wants to know why I will eat strawberries that have only been smashed with the back of a fork; but I gag on cooked carrots that have been blended within an inch of their lives.
Mama’s not very smart, is she?
Today Sabrina was pretending that she was the Mama. She said her stuffed pink pig was her baby, and had just come out of her tummy. She wrapped him in one of my blankets and was cradling him in her arms. Then she asked Mama, “When do babies have a bath to get their Mama’s spit off of them?”
Eeeeuuuuwwwww! Why would my Mama spit on me?
Today Miss Mirjam and Marie came to visit us. Marie and I stole toys out of each other’s hands and we both cried. It was fun. Then Marie pushed me around in a little red wagon. She kept bringing the wagon to her mama and fussing, and we finally figured out she wanted little ME in the wagon! After Marie pushed me around some then Sabrina pushed me around some too.
Marie likes to talk with my Mama. Marie likes to nod and prattle and nod and prattle. Mama says, “oh, really?” like she understands. Then Marie nods and says “ja.” That little girl is pretty good at “nein,” too. Everything else is total gibberish, but she’s good at knowing when I need my pacie. Sometimes she tries to put two pacies in my mouth, just for good measure.
Last time we left Marie’s house, Miss Mirjam told her to say “goodbye.” Marie held my Mama’s hand and waved goodbye to Sabrina. Marie cried when Miss Mirjam picked her up and told her she got that one wrong.
My Poppy is coming to visit me tomorrow! We’re going to get him very early in the morning at the airport. We have to leave at 7:30 a.m. Mama says good thing we make her an HOV.
Very early this morning Sabrina got DAS BOOT from Mama’s room. Mama said Sister had two options. She (A) could rest quietly with Mama, or (B) go whine somewhere else. Sabrina took option (C), which was whine in Mama’s room. Mama tossed her out. Sabrina decided option (D) was throw a temper tantrum on the floor outside of Mama’s closed door.
Now she’s helping Daddy pick up the dogs’ poop-a-loops outside. She thinks it’s fun. Mama says later Sabrina can help her clean the toilets too. Mama’s not kidding either. Sabrina loves to swish. She’s a weird little girl.
I must have eaten a good dinner tonight, because right now I have a big tummy. I’m just wearing a diaper, so everyone can see how my tummy sticks out. Sabrina rubs my tummy and calls it a “Buddha belly” and makes a wish. Daddy calls me “Ethiopian Pretty!” Mama says, “ERIK!” really loud.
Sister and I both had to take a bath tonight. We take a bath together. Somehow it must save water when Sabrina dumps water on my head.
While we were in the bath Sabrina announced that she was “sticking her finger in her bottom.” Mama and Daddy both said, “SABRINA!” really loud at the same time. Daddy says we don’t do that, and we especially don’t do that when little sister is in the bathtub with us.
If that’s how she wants to play bath time, I’m pretty sure I can beat her at her own game.
Love,
Little ‘Nea
P.S. Do you think there’s Mama spit on my blanket now? Maybe we should wash it just to make sure?
I have a new tooth! One of my top front teeth has come in. Oma actually found it when she was here last week. Daddy calls my new tooth “Ol’ Chomper.”
Mama says, don’t worry. Daddy trotted out that “Ol’ Chomper” joke when Sabrina was a baby, too.
Daddy says I have more teeth now than some of his neighbors at WCU had. Mama says that joke is new.
I also decided today that I like strawberries. Mama wants to know why I will eat strawberries that have only been smashed with the back of a fork; but I gag on cooked carrots that have been blended within an inch of their lives.
Mama’s not very smart, is she?
Today Sabrina was pretending that she was the Mama. She said her stuffed pink pig was her baby, and had just come out of her tummy. She wrapped him in one of my blankets and was cradling him in her arms. Then she asked Mama, “When do babies have a bath to get their Mama’s spit off of them?”
Eeeeuuuuwwwww! Why would my Mama spit on me?
Today Miss Mirjam and Marie came to visit us. Marie and I stole toys out of each other’s hands and we both cried. It was fun. Then Marie pushed me around in a little red wagon. She kept bringing the wagon to her mama and fussing, and we finally figured out she wanted little ME in the wagon! After Marie pushed me around some then Sabrina pushed me around some too.
Marie likes to talk with my Mama. Marie likes to nod and prattle and nod and prattle. Mama says, “oh, really?” like she understands. Then Marie nods and says “ja.” That little girl is pretty good at “nein,” too. Everything else is total gibberish, but she’s good at knowing when I need my pacie. Sometimes she tries to put two pacies in my mouth, just for good measure.
Last time we left Marie’s house, Miss Mirjam told her to say “goodbye.” Marie held my Mama’s hand and waved goodbye to Sabrina. Marie cried when Miss Mirjam picked her up and told her she got that one wrong.
My Poppy is coming to visit me tomorrow! We’re going to get him very early in the morning at the airport. We have to leave at 7:30 a.m. Mama says good thing we make her an HOV.
Very early this morning Sabrina got DAS BOOT from Mama’s room. Mama said Sister had two options. She (A) could rest quietly with Mama, or (B) go whine somewhere else. Sabrina took option (C), which was whine in Mama’s room. Mama tossed her out. Sabrina decided option (D) was throw a temper tantrum on the floor outside of Mama’s closed door.
Now she’s helping Daddy pick up the dogs’ poop-a-loops outside. She thinks it’s fun. Mama says later Sabrina can help her clean the toilets too. Mama’s not kidding either. Sabrina loves to swish. She’s a weird little girl.
I must have eaten a good dinner tonight, because right now I have a big tummy. I’m just wearing a diaper, so everyone can see how my tummy sticks out. Sabrina rubs my tummy and calls it a “Buddha belly” and makes a wish. Daddy calls me “Ethiopian Pretty!” Mama says, “ERIK!” really loud.
Sister and I both had to take a bath tonight. We take a bath together. Somehow it must save water when Sabrina dumps water on my head.
While we were in the bath Sabrina announced that she was “sticking her finger in her bottom.” Mama and Daddy both said, “SABRINA!” really loud at the same time. Daddy says we don’t do that, and we especially don’t do that when little sister is in the bathtub with us.
If that’s how she wants to play bath time, I’m pretty sure I can beat her at her own game.
Love,
Little ‘Nea
P.S. Do you think there’s Mama spit on my blanket now? Maybe we should wash it just to make sure?
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I'm Just Mad About Sharing, and It's Just Mad About Me
Dear Oma and Tante,
Silly Sisser Sabrina has some new names for me. Mostly she calls me her “Dear Little Honey.” Sometimes she calls me her “Dear Little Sister Linnea.” Sometimes she calls me her “Dear Little ‘Nea.” Sometimes she calls me “Little Sweetheart” or “Little Sisser Misser.”
Then she brains me with a book.
I’m a very confused.
Mostly she tells me she loves me. She brings me toys and hands me books when I can’t reach them and shows me how to crawl and bakes me pretend birthday cakes. Except I’m not allowed to touch the pretend cake or play with it and she WHIPS it away from me when I try.
She also writes invitations to “Dear Little Honey’s Birthday Party.” She likes to sing, “Come celebrate Dear Little Honey’s birthday!” while she’s drawing an invitation. She runs over to show me her drawings. But I’m not allowed to chew on the invitations and she WHIPS them away from me when I try.
She gives me lots of hugs. Then she pushes me over.
Sometimes she calls me “stinky.” Mama says, “Sabrina, this is your ONE warning.” If Sabrina calls me stinky again Mama calls “Time Out!” Then Sabrina has to go sit on the naughty mat. She seems pretty cheerful about it.
Sometimes she sings a song about how stinky I am. She sings, “Linnie is a stinky stinky baby.” She sang it at Wal-Mart until Mama said if Sabrina sang it one more time there would be a consequence. And don’t think Mama won’t do Time Out at Wal-Mart.
Sabrina started singing again: “Linnie is . . . NOT a stinky stinky baby.” Mama said that’s what we call adhering to the letter of the law but not the spirit.
At bedtime she wants me to come and kiss her goodnight. If I’m already asleep in my own bed then Sabrina asks, “Is Little Sisser Misser dreaming about me?” And Mama says, “Yes.” Mama knows everything— even my dreams.
Once Sister ran full out at me, screaming. Then she screeched to a halt and stole my pacie out of my mouth. She got a big Time Out for that one.
Mama says that we can have two conflicting ideas in our heads at the same time. This means one sister can love another sister and be mad at her sister at the same time.
This is very confusing to me. I’m still working on having one idea in my head at a time.
Mama gets very mad if Sisser is mean to me. She gives Sisser a Time Out and then makes her say she’s sorry—not once, but twice. First she has to say sorry to Mama, then she has to say sorry to me and give me a gentle touch or a kiss. Then Mama says we have to be always kind and gentle to each other because we are SISTERS FOREVER. She also says I’m not allowed to pull Sister’s hair, which is disappointing to me.
Mama asked Sabrina how she feels about having a sister. Sabrina looked at Mama like she was silly and said, “good.” Then she went away to play.
The next day Sabrina asked Mama if Mama knew why Sabrina got angry with me. Mama said she didn’t know, and asked Sabrina to tell her. Sabrina said, “I don’t like sharing my toys.”
This could be a problem.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. I heard that this week my cousin Daniel graduated from kindergarten! Daddy says we should only attend graduations for people who have learned skills that will get them a job. Mama says that if that were the rule then nobody would have gone to her college graduation.
Silly Sisser Sabrina has some new names for me. Mostly she calls me her “Dear Little Honey.” Sometimes she calls me her “Dear Little Sister Linnea.” Sometimes she calls me her “Dear Little ‘Nea.” Sometimes she calls me “Little Sweetheart” or “Little Sisser Misser.”
Then she brains me with a book.
I’m a very confused.
Mostly she tells me she loves me. She brings me toys and hands me books when I can’t reach them and shows me how to crawl and bakes me pretend birthday cakes. Except I’m not allowed to touch the pretend cake or play with it and she WHIPS it away from me when I try.
She also writes invitations to “Dear Little Honey’s Birthday Party.” She likes to sing, “Come celebrate Dear Little Honey’s birthday!” while she’s drawing an invitation. She runs over to show me her drawings. But I’m not allowed to chew on the invitations and she WHIPS them away from me when I try.
She gives me lots of hugs. Then she pushes me over.
Sometimes she calls me “stinky.” Mama says, “Sabrina, this is your ONE warning.” If Sabrina calls me stinky again Mama calls “Time Out!” Then Sabrina has to go sit on the naughty mat. She seems pretty cheerful about it.
Sometimes she sings a song about how stinky I am. She sings, “Linnie is a stinky stinky baby.” She sang it at Wal-Mart until Mama said if Sabrina sang it one more time there would be a consequence. And don’t think Mama won’t do Time Out at Wal-Mart.
Sabrina started singing again: “Linnie is . . . NOT a stinky stinky baby.” Mama said that’s what we call adhering to the letter of the law but not the spirit.
At bedtime she wants me to come and kiss her goodnight. If I’m already asleep in my own bed then Sabrina asks, “Is Little Sisser Misser dreaming about me?” And Mama says, “Yes.” Mama knows everything— even my dreams.
Once Sister ran full out at me, screaming. Then she screeched to a halt and stole my pacie out of my mouth. She got a big Time Out for that one.
Mama says that we can have two conflicting ideas in our heads at the same time. This means one sister can love another sister and be mad at her sister at the same time.
This is very confusing to me. I’m still working on having one idea in my head at a time.
Mama gets very mad if Sisser is mean to me. She gives Sisser a Time Out and then makes her say she’s sorry—not once, but twice. First she has to say sorry to Mama, then she has to say sorry to me and give me a gentle touch or a kiss. Then Mama says we have to be always kind and gentle to each other because we are SISTERS FOREVER. She also says I’m not allowed to pull Sister’s hair, which is disappointing to me.
Mama asked Sabrina how she feels about having a sister. Sabrina looked at Mama like she was silly and said, “good.” Then she went away to play.
The next day Sabrina asked Mama if Mama knew why Sabrina got angry with me. Mama said she didn’t know, and asked Sabrina to tell her. Sabrina said, “I don’t like sharing my toys.”
This could be a problem.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. I heard that this week my cousin Daniel graduated from kindergarten! Daddy says we should only attend graduations for people who have learned skills that will get them a job. Mama says that if that were the rule then nobody would have gone to her college graduation.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Anemic, Uneven, and Delayed
Dear Tante and Oma,
I am mad, mad, mad, and I may not take it anymore.
Mama took me to the doctor on Friday for my “nine month checkup.” They say it that way so that they won’t say the word “shots” in front of me. I’ve fallen for that one before. I’m more than nine months old now but my doctor is very busy.
Not too busy to be mean though.
We got there and before so much as a how-do-you-do I was naked and they were sticking me in the foot with a sharp little thing. Mama held me and sang to me and told me I did a good job. Since she was being nice I didn’t cry while they were pushing all the blood out of me.
The nurse was nice, too, after the poking. She weighed me and measured me and said I was cute. That was OK. After the nurse was done Mama sat with me in the chairs and let me help her read a magazine. That was fun.
But then the doctor came in. He stood at the other end of the room and after how-do-you-do and how-do-you-do he asked, did Mama have any concerns? Mama said, “Well, she’s not crawling yet.”
She could have just told me that was bothering her—she didn’t have to report me to the doctor police.
After Mama reported me for not crawling the doctor police just about took me downtown for questioning. He asked was I pulling up and pinching things or raking them and feeding myself and sitting and playing and was I on my tummy and could I see and hear and was I making progress and where was I last Tuesday at around 9:00 p.m.?
Mama started to talk to him about how I was doing. When it was all over he said I had some “gross and fine motor delays” but we didn’t have to worry right now.
Well, I didn’t like that one bit and neither did Mama. First, there is nothing delayed about me. Someone has to be at the bottom of the baby pile, and I volunteered to be last for crawling. Another baby will be last for talking. Don’t they understand how the baby world works?
Second, don’t tell Mama there is a problem but not to worry. She is very good at worrying. She likes to worry early and often.
Then the doctor said all that blood they took out of my foot shows I am anemic. Of course I am anemic—they took all my blood. Then he said I had to take a multivitamin and iron supplements and asked about what I ate.
Mama was talking to Dr. Mean Police about it. She was sitting and he was standing and she was talking talking talking and he was typing typing typing and finally Mama stopped talking and just sat there until he stopped typing. It took a while. He should watch out. Mama’s a teacher. She can stand there in silence all day until everybody pays attention.
Then Mama got tired of having the police stand there so she said, would you mind sitting down to talk with me? And then he did.
Then he stood up and he poked and weighed and measured and said I had been found wanting. Actually, he said I had been found not growing both legs at the same time. He said one leg was shorter than the other but I would probably catch up.
The whole rest of the time he stood. So Mama stood.
Before they poked me again Mama asked if maybe they could use some sort of cream to help me with the pain from the poking. She actually used some big words like “topical anesthetic.” She already knew the name of the stuff she wanted. But he said he didn’t use it because it didn’t go that deep and did Mama understand how they gave shots in the muscle? Then he left and the nurse poked me and I cried.
When Mama got home she was mad about the standing and talking and the typing and the muscle shot. Mama says she might only be a lawyer and teacher but she knows her IM from her sub-cutaneous and the doctor was acting like this was her first rodeo.
Miss Mirjam says Mama needs to fix it—either quit complaining or get a new doctor. Daddy says Mama is just mad because the doctor doesn’t tell her how brilliant she is.
I’m just mad because he said I was anemic, uneven, and delayed. Then he poked me. Actually, he had some cute nurse poke me. He didn’t even have the guts to do it himself. Mama says doctors don’t do it because they don’t want kids to be scared of them or mad at them and start screaming as soon as they walk in the room.
He doesn’t have to worry. I’m already mad.
And now I have to take some yucky med-ne-sen.
Sister is mad too. She wanted to come to the doctor with us and Mama said no. Sabrina said she wanted to help me with my shots. Mama thinks Sister wanted to hold my hand and say “shhhhh, little honey.” I think Sabrina wanted to stick the needle in me all by herself.
When we got home Sabrina said when we left Daddy took her outside to play and that helped her to feel better. I’m glad she was feeling better. I wasn’t.
Yesterday Mama had a baby shower for Miss Mirjam. Sabrina and I weren’t allowed. We had to go play with Daddy and Reverend Daniel and baby Marie.
Today at church everyone was talking about what a nice party it was. Mrs. Pendergrass was saying how great Mama is—she’s a lawyer and a Mama and a good cook and a nice hostess.
Daddy says since Mrs. Pendergrass thinks Mama is fabulous maybe Mrs. Pendergrass should be our new pediatrician.
Mama gave Daddy the raspberry for that one.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.R.S. I have a new game! When I am sitting up and you are watching I fall backward and then I laugh. You and my stomach muscles help me sit up and right away I fall backward again and laugh. I could do it for hours.
I figure I might as well fall backward myself since Sister likes to push me backward anyway. It makes Mama mad and Sister has to say “sorry.”
I am mad, mad, mad, and I may not take it anymore.
Mama took me to the doctor on Friday for my “nine month checkup.” They say it that way so that they won’t say the word “shots” in front of me. I’ve fallen for that one before. I’m more than nine months old now but my doctor is very busy.
Not too busy to be mean though.
We got there and before so much as a how-do-you-do I was naked and they were sticking me in the foot with a sharp little thing. Mama held me and sang to me and told me I did a good job. Since she was being nice I didn’t cry while they were pushing all the blood out of me.
The nurse was nice, too, after the poking. She weighed me and measured me and said I was cute. That was OK. After the nurse was done Mama sat with me in the chairs and let me help her read a magazine. That was fun.
But then the doctor came in. He stood at the other end of the room and after how-do-you-do and how-do-you-do he asked, did Mama have any concerns? Mama said, “Well, she’s not crawling yet.”
She could have just told me that was bothering her—she didn’t have to report me to the doctor police.
After Mama reported me for not crawling the doctor police just about took me downtown for questioning. He asked was I pulling up and pinching things or raking them and feeding myself and sitting and playing and was I on my tummy and could I see and hear and was I making progress and where was I last Tuesday at around 9:00 p.m.?
Mama started to talk to him about how I was doing. When it was all over he said I had some “gross and fine motor delays” but we didn’t have to worry right now.
Well, I didn’t like that one bit and neither did Mama. First, there is nothing delayed about me. Someone has to be at the bottom of the baby pile, and I volunteered to be last for crawling. Another baby will be last for talking. Don’t they understand how the baby world works?
Second, don’t tell Mama there is a problem but not to worry. She is very good at worrying. She likes to worry early and often.
Then the doctor said all that blood they took out of my foot shows I am anemic. Of course I am anemic—they took all my blood. Then he said I had to take a multivitamin and iron supplements and asked about what I ate.
Mama was talking to Dr. Mean Police about it. She was sitting and he was standing and she was talking talking talking and he was typing typing typing and finally Mama stopped talking and just sat there until he stopped typing. It took a while. He should watch out. Mama’s a teacher. She can stand there in silence all day until everybody pays attention.
Then Mama got tired of having the police stand there so she said, would you mind sitting down to talk with me? And then he did.
Then he stood up and he poked and weighed and measured and said I had been found wanting. Actually, he said I had been found not growing both legs at the same time. He said one leg was shorter than the other but I would probably catch up.
The whole rest of the time he stood. So Mama stood.
Before they poked me again Mama asked if maybe they could use some sort of cream to help me with the pain from the poking. She actually used some big words like “topical anesthetic.” She already knew the name of the stuff she wanted. But he said he didn’t use it because it didn’t go that deep and did Mama understand how they gave shots in the muscle? Then he left and the nurse poked me and I cried.
When Mama got home she was mad about the standing and talking and the typing and the muscle shot. Mama says she might only be a lawyer and teacher but she knows her IM from her sub-cutaneous and the doctor was acting like this was her first rodeo.
Miss Mirjam says Mama needs to fix it—either quit complaining or get a new doctor. Daddy says Mama is just mad because the doctor doesn’t tell her how brilliant she is.
I’m just mad because he said I was anemic, uneven, and delayed. Then he poked me. Actually, he had some cute nurse poke me. He didn’t even have the guts to do it himself. Mama says doctors don’t do it because they don’t want kids to be scared of them or mad at them and start screaming as soon as they walk in the room.
He doesn’t have to worry. I’m already mad.
And now I have to take some yucky med-ne-sen.
Sister is mad too. She wanted to come to the doctor with us and Mama said no. Sabrina said she wanted to help me with my shots. Mama thinks Sister wanted to hold my hand and say “shhhhh, little honey.” I think Sabrina wanted to stick the needle in me all by herself.
When we got home Sabrina said when we left Daddy took her outside to play and that helped her to feel better. I’m glad she was feeling better. I wasn’t.
Yesterday Mama had a baby shower for Miss Mirjam. Sabrina and I weren’t allowed. We had to go play with Daddy and Reverend Daniel and baby Marie.
Today at church everyone was talking about what a nice party it was. Mrs. Pendergrass was saying how great Mama is—she’s a lawyer and a Mama and a good cook and a nice hostess.
Daddy says since Mrs. Pendergrass thinks Mama is fabulous maybe Mrs. Pendergrass should be our new pediatrician.
Mama gave Daddy the raspberry for that one.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.R.S. I have a new game! When I am sitting up and you are watching I fall backward and then I laugh. You and my stomach muscles help me sit up and right away I fall backward again and laugh. I could do it for hours.
I figure I might as well fall backward myself since Sister likes to push me backward anyway. It makes Mama mad and Sister has to say “sorry.”
Friday, June 5, 2009
Sweet As Honey
Dear Oma and Tante,
Last Saturday was BIG SISSER AND MAMA DAY! Big Sisser And Mama Day is really RUN ERRANDS DAY! But with ice cream at the end.
Mama and Sisser went to Deseret Industries to look for play-outside-in-the-dirt-shorts-for-everyone.
Mama says that Deseret Industries is the Mormon version of The Salvation Army. All the Mormons give all their old stuff to Deseret Industries and Deseret Industries sells it and gives jobs and lockers and showers and pride to people who don’t have those things.
Everyone here calls it “D.I.” It took Mama a long time to find out what they were talking about. They call it “Deseret” because everything here is Deseret. The Mormons wanted to name Utah Deseret because it means honeybee in the Book of Mormon. They think they are just like honeybees because they are communal and work hard like bees and their labor has sweet results. Mama says Mormons always leave out a few parts to the story, like that real bees have a girl in charge and bees sting you when they get scared.
(Mama also says that the government said “nope” to naming Utah Deseret for the Mormons and named it Utah for the Ute Indians who used to live here. Ute means “People of the Mountains” but now they are mostly just people of the reservation. Mama says they’d probably rather have the land than the name but it doesn’t look like we’ll be giving either one back.)
Anyway, at D.I. Mama also said that Sisser could chose one book for her and one book for me. Sisser looked at a bunch of books. Mama helped her choose To Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street and the Lady and the Tramp. Mama says these are good books and so far I agree!
At the register Sabrina figured out that Mama didn’t buy some Googley eye book about animals in the Bible. Well, Sister started crying. She cried and screamed, “I WANT IT!” She cried and screamed, “I WANT IT!” from the checkout stand all the way to the car. Mama had to carry her to the car and there was crying and carrying-on and foolishness the whole way.
On the way to the car there were some very nice people speaking a totally different language in the parking lot, and it wasn’t just because they are Mormon. They looked at screaming sister and smiled at Mama and didn’t act mad but just like they understood. Mama says tantrums translate.
Mama told Daddy that sister actually did a good job because she was howling, “I WANT IT! I WANT IT!” all the way to the car but it sounded like this: “I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I HAVE TO GO POTTY! I WANT IT!”
Mama did an ABOUT-FACE with Sisser and marched that crying screaming howling yowling little girl right back into the store. The Mormons must have thought that Mama was crazy or was a Gentile come to test their faith. Sister just continued the tantrum all the way back to the store, through the store to the very back to the bathrooms, through the process of going potty, and all the way back to the car.
Mama says she did a good job too because she didn’t get mad at Sisser and finally just told her that if she didn’t KNOCK IT OFF they would go home and Big Sisser And Mama Day would be OVER. Mama says it was also a good job she didn’t buy the googely eye book because it was a “short insipid little number whose main attraction was the large pair of googley eyes that each animal sported” and that there are better uses for our 50 cents.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama also let Sisser buy a little plastic cup shaped like a cow. One for her and one for me. Sisser says I get the yellow one and she gets the pink one. She’s always taking the pink one of everything. Pppttthhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P.P.S. Did you know Big Sisser calls me “Little Honey” now? We call Sisser “Big Honey” since Sisser calls me Little Honey. We’re all very sweet. But don’t tell the honeybees. They might come and try to get us.
Last Saturday was BIG SISSER AND MAMA DAY! Big Sisser And Mama Day is really RUN ERRANDS DAY! But with ice cream at the end.
Mama and Sisser went to Deseret Industries to look for play-outside-in-the-dirt-shorts-for-everyone.
Mama says that Deseret Industries is the Mormon version of The Salvation Army. All the Mormons give all their old stuff to Deseret Industries and Deseret Industries sells it and gives jobs and lockers and showers and pride to people who don’t have those things.
Everyone here calls it “D.I.” It took Mama a long time to find out what they were talking about. They call it “Deseret” because everything here is Deseret. The Mormons wanted to name Utah Deseret because it means honeybee in the Book of Mormon. They think they are just like honeybees because they are communal and work hard like bees and their labor has sweet results. Mama says Mormons always leave out a few parts to the story, like that real bees have a girl in charge and bees sting you when they get scared.
(Mama also says that the government said “nope” to naming Utah Deseret for the Mormons and named it Utah for the Ute Indians who used to live here. Ute means “People of the Mountains” but now they are mostly just people of the reservation. Mama says they’d probably rather have the land than the name but it doesn’t look like we’ll be giving either one back.)
Anyway, at D.I. Mama also said that Sisser could chose one book for her and one book for me. Sisser looked at a bunch of books. Mama helped her choose To Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street and the Lady and the Tramp. Mama says these are good books and so far I agree!
At the register Sabrina figured out that Mama didn’t buy some Googley eye book about animals in the Bible. Well, Sister started crying. She cried and screamed, “I WANT IT!” She cried and screamed, “I WANT IT!” from the checkout stand all the way to the car. Mama had to carry her to the car and there was crying and carrying-on and foolishness the whole way.
On the way to the car there were some very nice people speaking a totally different language in the parking lot, and it wasn’t just because they are Mormon. They looked at screaming sister and smiled at Mama and didn’t act mad but just like they understood. Mama says tantrums translate.
Mama told Daddy that sister actually did a good job because she was howling, “I WANT IT! I WANT IT!” all the way to the car but it sounded like this: “I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I HAVE TO GO POTTY! I WANT IT!”
Mama did an ABOUT-FACE with Sisser and marched that crying screaming howling yowling little girl right back into the store. The Mormons must have thought that Mama was crazy or was a Gentile come to test their faith. Sister just continued the tantrum all the way back to the store, through the store to the very back to the bathrooms, through the process of going potty, and all the way back to the car.
Mama says she did a good job too because she didn’t get mad at Sisser and finally just told her that if she didn’t KNOCK IT OFF they would go home and Big Sisser And Mama Day would be OVER. Mama says it was also a good job she didn’t buy the googely eye book because it was a “short insipid little number whose main attraction was the large pair of googley eyes that each animal sported” and that there are better uses for our 50 cents.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
P.S. Mama also let Sisser buy a little plastic cup shaped like a cow. One for her and one for me. Sisser says I get the yellow one and she gets the pink one. She’s always taking the pink one of everything. Pppttthhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P.P.S. Did you know Big Sisser calls me “Little Honey” now? We call Sisser “Big Honey” since Sisser calls me Little Honey. We’re all very sweet. But don’t tell the honeybees. They might come and try to get us.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
How Much Is That Cinderella In The Window?
Dear Oma and Tante,
POOP is the big topic around here!
When we went grocery shopping on Sunday, Big Sister’s big eyes saw a Cinderella plate and bowl and fork and spoon. She said, “I WANT IT!” Mama isn’t too patient with I WANT IT! But crafty Mama put on her thinking hat and said that there was a way that Sisser could have it.
Mama said they could buy the Cinderella things, but they would belong to Mama, not Sister! Mama said Sister could EARN Cinderella back one thing at a time by putting her poop in the potty.
Well, Sister didn’t know what to say about that. Mama let her think about it.
Sister tried to negotiate, and said that plate looked like a good present for a little girl who put her pee in the potty. But Mama said no way.
Sister had to stand there really long and really think about whether Cinderealla was worth it. Finally she decided it was, as long as she got to hold Cinderella in the car. Mama said they had a deal.
Well, Sister hasn’t earned BUPKISS yet. She tried and tried and tried to poop on the potty for two days and nothing but crying happened. Finally Daddy gave her a diaper. Daddy says it was practically a toxic waste dump a few minutes later.
Then yesterday Big Sister had her first poop accident. She said she had to poop and Mama said, “GREAT! Sit on the potty.” Sister sat on the potty and we heard crying. Then we didn’t hear anything. When Mama went up to check Sister said she had a little accident and had poop in her underpants. When Mama asked what happened Big Sister Sabrina said, “The poop didn't do a good job of staying in my body.”
Mama said it’s good to let the poop out of your body, and I have to agree. But Mama says it’s best to sit on the potty when that happens. Mama helped Sister put the poop in the potty and clean up. Sister looked at the poop for a long time and then finally waved goodbye to it.
Then Sabrina said, “I want a present!” Mama said, “No way.” She said there were presents for poop in the potty, but not when the poop makes a pit stop in your underwear.
I think I’ll keep my diapers as long as possible. Cinderella isn’t worth all this trouble.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
POOP is the big topic around here!
When we went grocery shopping on Sunday, Big Sister’s big eyes saw a Cinderella plate and bowl and fork and spoon. She said, “I WANT IT!” Mama isn’t too patient with I WANT IT! But crafty Mama put on her thinking hat and said that there was a way that Sisser could have it.
Mama said they could buy the Cinderella things, but they would belong to Mama, not Sister! Mama said Sister could EARN Cinderella back one thing at a time by putting her poop in the potty.
Well, Sister didn’t know what to say about that. Mama let her think about it.
Sister tried to negotiate, and said that plate looked like a good present for a little girl who put her pee in the potty. But Mama said no way.
Sister had to stand there really long and really think about whether Cinderealla was worth it. Finally she decided it was, as long as she got to hold Cinderella in the car. Mama said they had a deal.
Well, Sister hasn’t earned BUPKISS yet. She tried and tried and tried to poop on the potty for two days and nothing but crying happened. Finally Daddy gave her a diaper. Daddy says it was practically a toxic waste dump a few minutes later.
Then yesterday Big Sister had her first poop accident. She said she had to poop and Mama said, “GREAT! Sit on the potty.” Sister sat on the potty and we heard crying. Then we didn’t hear anything. When Mama went up to check Sister said she had a little accident and had poop in her underpants. When Mama asked what happened Big Sister Sabrina said, “The poop didn't do a good job of staying in my body.”
Mama said it’s good to let the poop out of your body, and I have to agree. But Mama says it’s best to sit on the potty when that happens. Mama helped Sister put the poop in the potty and clean up. Sister looked at the poop for a long time and then finally waved goodbye to it.
Then Sabrina said, “I want a present!” Mama said, “No way.” She said there were presents for poop in the potty, but not when the poop makes a pit stop in your underwear.
I think I’ll keep my diapers as long as possible. Cinderella isn’t worth all this trouble.
Love,
Little Linnie Lou-Hoo
What DO You Do With A Kangeroo?
Dear Tante and Oma,
Mama says these naptime diaries might get hard to write, now that I sleep through the night in my own bed in my own room. But she doesn’t know that I have ears like a bat and a memory like an elephant. Nothing in this house gets past me.
Like last week. Big sisser Sabrina was having trouble going to sleep. Mama went in to talk to her.
When Mama and Sisser talk in bed, Sisser likes to ask questions. Sisser asked Mama if she had washed her face. Mama said yes. Sisser put her hand on Mama’s cheek. She likes to do that after Mama washes her face and puts all her creams on. Mama asked, “is my face soft?” Sabrina said, “Yes! You got all the whiskers off!”
A little while later Mama was in bed reading, and Sisser was in bed but wasn’t asleep. She said, “Mama! The timer went off!” Mama said, “OK?” Because really no timer went off. Then Sabrina said, “Mama! It’s time to close your book!”
Sisser thinks the rules apply to everyone. Sisser has a lot to learn.
When Mama really did close her book she went to check on Sisser. Sisser was in bed reading a book. That’s a no-no after lights out. Mama made Sisser put the book away and lay down with her head on the pillow. Then she went back to bed and told Daddy that Sisser was up reading What Do You Do With a Kangaroo?
Daddy mumbled, “You paddle it.”
Love,
Little Linnea
Mama says these naptime diaries might get hard to write, now that I sleep through the night in my own bed in my own room. But she doesn’t know that I have ears like a bat and a memory like an elephant. Nothing in this house gets past me.
Like last week. Big sisser Sabrina was having trouble going to sleep. Mama went in to talk to her.
When Mama and Sisser talk in bed, Sisser likes to ask questions. Sisser asked Mama if she had washed her face. Mama said yes. Sisser put her hand on Mama’s cheek. She likes to do that after Mama washes her face and puts all her creams on. Mama asked, “is my face soft?” Sabrina said, “Yes! You got all the whiskers off!”
A little while later Mama was in bed reading, and Sisser was in bed but wasn’t asleep. She said, “Mama! The timer went off!” Mama said, “OK?” Because really no timer went off. Then Sabrina said, “Mama! It’s time to close your book!”
Sisser thinks the rules apply to everyone. Sisser has a lot to learn.
When Mama really did close her book she went to check on Sisser. Sisser was in bed reading a book. That’s a no-no after lights out. Mama made Sisser put the book away and lay down with her head on the pillow. Then she went back to bed and told Daddy that Sisser was up reading What Do You Do With a Kangaroo?
Daddy mumbled, “You paddle it.”
Love,
Little Linnea
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